From Surviving ADHD to Thriving: How Celebration & Self Talk Boosts our brains, our well-being and motivation

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What's up my friend.

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It is ADHD.

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Coach Katherine.

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And we are here back in the

universe of possibility.

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To explore how you.

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Yes, you.

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Can you use the power of

celebration and self-talk.

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To change how you feel

about yourself, your brain.

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And the world around you.

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In previous episodes, I've

explained how you can integrate.

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Understanding your executive

functions, leveraging things like

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self-compassion practice and mindfulness.

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Bringing that together with

a strengths based approach.

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I

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can create really powerful and

unique tools for you to live

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the best life you can with ADHD.

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I've explained how understanding

all of those elements.

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And bringing them together.

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Can actually improve

our executive functions.

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And especially emotional regulation.

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Which is the hot button, that controls

all of your other executive functions.

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And we're going to move into

the next phase, which is what

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we're talking about today.

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So today we're going to look

at a topic that everyone.

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Every human in the world.

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It resonates with,

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but it's especially important.

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If you have a busy brain or ADHD

and you want to work out how you

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can navigate the world more easily.

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And this is one that is gonna surprise.

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Many of you.

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It's the combination of

acknowledging your work.

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Learning to celebrate.

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Successes.

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How.

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Engaging in things in a force free.

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We can align with your strengths

and your interests and make it.

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Fun.

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As well as the really crucial one.

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How you talk to yourself?

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Self-talk.

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And the impact that self-talk has

on our productivity and our mood.

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And I don't mean productivity in a.

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Productive, get everything done.

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And.

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That kind of brew,

marketing type of thing.

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I'm talking about just being able

to do stuff that you want to do.

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But why focus on these things

when, ADHD is all about medication.

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Or your diet or your exercise?

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Because those are important building

blocks, but this stuff, this is

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the thing that's going to change.

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How you go forward long term.

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And that's because how we talk

to ourselves, how we acknowledge

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our work, how we celebrate.

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Can impact, not just us and our

health, our wellbeing and our future.

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That everyone around us.

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And I think everyone can acknowledge

that after the last four or five years.

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We really need.

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To all feel better and have a better.

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Approach a better mood.

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And support other people

without draining ourselves.

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If you have a neurodivergent

brain, especially ADHD or autism.

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You need to learn how to manage

that because your energy.

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Is directly affected by

the people around you.

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And if your energy improves,

if your mood improves, if

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your self-regulation improves.

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You're going to change the

lives of everyone around you.

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And that's going to come

back in a really good way.

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This really matters.

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If you want to thrive.

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And your personal and

your professional life.

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So let's start with this

idea of celebration.

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And it's something that a lot of

clients find difficult to begin with.

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' cause I always start a conversation.

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with what's gone well this week.

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And.

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A lot of coaches will start with.

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Tell me about your wins this week,

and depending on the person you're

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working with that is too big of

a gap between where they are.

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And feeling like they

have any wins at all.

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Quite often.

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We can find them during the

course of the conversation.

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But to start with.

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Celebrate in a small

win could feel too big.

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So why bother.

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Celebrating wins almost feels

offensive to lots of Scottish people.

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I would say of a certain generation.

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You don't want to blow your horn.

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You're taught that you mustn't brag.

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You must be appropriately humble.

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And self-deprecating.

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That you can't possibly say,

Hey, I did really well at.

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This week, because that may just sound

like you're a little bit over confident.

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Or big headed.

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And apart from being lazy.

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Being big headed and overconfident is

the other worst thing that you can be.

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I think I was in my forties.

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Probably even early fifties.

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Before I actually felt comfortable

acknowledging when I had done something

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well, Why is that so important though?

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Think about what's going on in your

brain when somebody says, well done.

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That was terrific work.

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I love how you do that.

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My goodness.

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It's just perfect.

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I really needed that.

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All the nice things that.

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People have said to you.

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That you felt awkward about acknowledging,

but if you were open enough to hear

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them, how did that make you feel?

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Felt pretty good.

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And it made you want to do it again?

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I'm guessing.

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Welcome to neuro-transmitter city.

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So when we hear a positive reinforcing,

accepting, uplifting, Warm comment.

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Our neuro transmitters are

awash with great things.

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Oxytocin serotonin dopamine.

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The things that allow you to keep going.

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Even if things are challenging.

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Because your brain said, Hey, I did that.

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And it got really good

feedback I felt good.

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I'm going to give you some

dopamine so you can keep going.

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Your motivation continues because you

have that wonderfulneurotransmitter

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that says, keep going.

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This is a positive thing.

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And the thing that many people

with ADHD struggle with.

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Is completing a long term goals.

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They simply come very long way away.

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And although as we get older, That

distance may shrink a little bit.

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When you're younger.

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It can be almost impossible to imagine.

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Six months to a year, never made 20 years.

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One of the ways that we can

help ourselves and other people.

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To think about long-term goals

more positively is to reinforce the

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milestones or the steps there with

acceptance, acknowledgement, and positive

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feedback, building them up in steps.

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And that's because this reinforces that

behavior we've want to see repeated.

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I have two rescue dogs.

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I'm doing a bit of dog training with them.

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I knew about negative reinforcement.

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If I accidentally reinforced

something, was my dog.

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It takes me much longer to undo it

because they've made that connection.

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Similarly with ADHD, we hear a lot

of negative feedback and our brains

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are very good at hanging on to that

because it doesn't want us to get hurt.

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They want to protect us.

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Your brain's job is to keep you

alive for as long as possible.

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And it doesn't really care

about how bad you feel.

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It's doing that.

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So if we can find a way to

reinforce behavior or actions.

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Positively.

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We're going to need to do it more often.

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We're going to need to do it regularly.

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And then the neural nets that connect

our behaviors with our longterm

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goals are going to get stronger.

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You've probably heard.

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Sales that fire together, wire together.

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That's not strictly true.

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But we can help to create networks.

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These neural nets.

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Of neurons that work together more

efficiently and quickly, and a great way

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to do that is this positive reinforcement.

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And it doesn't just

help you stay motivated.

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It helps you to recognize what you can do.

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A few episodes ago.

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I mentioned that self efficacy, believing

how capable we are is a really important

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problem for many people with ADHD.

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We forget things.

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We.

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Do half a job, but then we get distracted.

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We might not begin.

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We might look up.

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Are there people doing things with ease

and think why can't I do it like that?

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Why is it so hard?

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And overtime, you end up with

this picture of a person who is.

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No, very capable.

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But you are, you're

just not recognizing it.

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Because you're focusing on a big

picture, far away, rather than all the

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little steps and the little steps or

the things that actually get you there.

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So before I offer three ways that

you can reinforce this for yourself.

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I want to talk about three levels

and this is something that a

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lot of people don't recognize.

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It is impossible for me to accept

praise from some people, for

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things where all I can see are

the parts that I didn't achieve.

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And at 52, I'm still a work in progress.

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I'm working on that.

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But what I can do is I can

acknowledge, I showed up.

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If you can't accept praise, can

you acknowledge that you showed up?

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Can you acknowledge you

turned in the paper.

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You sent off the invoice.

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You showed up for your session.

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You got the host and got the groceries.

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Can you accept?

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That you did something acknowledgement.

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That's step number one.

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Step number two is approval.

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Can you accept that?

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You showed up and did well.

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You're not saying you're the best

person ever to do such a thing,

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but you showed up and you did.

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Okay.

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You did well.

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So we're getting closer to a celebration.

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And acceptance and approval.

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Are.

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Sometimes enough for lots

of people to work on.

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Until they become a habit.

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And the final step of

course is celebration.

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Celebration needs to be specific.

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It needs to be appropriate to

the person and the context.

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You can just see good job.

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But actually what's much more powerful.

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Is to recognize the unique

quality of who you are.

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For what you've done and why

it's worthy of celebration.

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.

Once you've been able to accept.

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And acknowledge that you've done

something maybe at some approval in.

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I didn't very specific.

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Personalized approval and celebration.

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Not only did you show up

for your session today?

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But the thing you said you

were going to do last time.

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You didn't do it every single

day, but you kept going.

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And it is incredible to

see it's a difference.

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To hear the difference

and how you showed up.

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Because you had taken the time to

follow through on that commitment.

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And it's got you so much further

along to where you want to go.

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Can you do that for yourself?

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It takes practice.

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And there will be days where

it may not come easily to you.

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But it is 100% worth it

because of the physical changes

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it can make in your brain.

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When your brain changes your mood to

changes or when your mood changes, your

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motivation, your efficacy, your ability

to get things done changes, which is why

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I am so passionate about stress reduction.

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Mental wellbeing, mindfulness, and all

these other elements working together.

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How can we do this?

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How can we build this acknowledgement

approval and celebration?

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And.

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First of all for me,

obviously I'm a visual person.

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So a visual tracker.

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This could be.

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What I use.

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Three dots at the end of the day.

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What did I do today?

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Am I celebrating it?

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I'm acknowledging it some days

it's just an acknowledgement.

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But heat.

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I put the laundry away.

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I completed.

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The slides from my next seminar.

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I did another certification.

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So you can use a notebook.

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You could use a whiteboard.

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If you want to track a streak of things,

a whiteboard can be really useful.

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You could choose an app.

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It doesn't matter what tool you use.

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There's no one better than the other.

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The best tool is the one

that you enjoy using.

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You might want to schedule an,

our reflection once a day or

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once at the end of the week.

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Take some time just to look back and think

about what you've had done this week.

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I acknowledge it.

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Sync approvingly of it.

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And if possible, celebrate what

you've done this week, but you

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need to make time for that.

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And two minutes at the end of the

day is for me much easier than 15

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minutes at the end of the week.

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It's definitely one of the benefits

I found with working with a coach.

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Is actually having

permission to celebrate.

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For a good five to 10 minutes sometimes.

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But you can do this with a friend

with one of your peers, with a mentor.

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They don't need to be a coach.

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But just giving yourself

that space to acknowledge and

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celebrate is really important.

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And the third message you

could think of is rewards.

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No rewards.

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Get a really bad name.

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But it don't have to be expensive.

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They don't have to be big.

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It could be, I'm going to read five

pages of my favorite new novel.

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If I walk 10,000 steps today,

I get to watch 15 minutes of

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whatever series I'm enjoying on TV.

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They don't have to be big.

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They don't have to take

a lot of time or money.

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But giving yourself that reward.

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And reaching it.

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For things that you are

close to achieving everyday.

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Is a great way to improve your motivation.

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And when we make a habit of

celebrating these small wins.

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We create this wonderful,

positive feedback loop.

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Because the more dopamine and oxytocin

and reward we get for taking that action.

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It's a more, we want to do it.

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And so it continues.

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And you'll be able to keep going.

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Even if things get a bit tough because

your brain has changed the neural

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net connected with that behavior.

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The second thing I wanted to look at today

was the idea of force free productivity.

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Productivity routines and habits

have got a really bad name at the

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moment because people think of them

as something that's being imposed.

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And there's a lot of demand avoidance

or demand for autonomy, depending on

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which way you're coming at it from.

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Within the ADHD community.

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It's something that I've experienced.

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Something I've parented.

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So I know it's real.

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And I know that.

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Any time we try to impose

something on ourselves.

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There's a good chance.

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We will push back.

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So one of the ways that

you can get round this.

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And remember this is in line

with your goals, your values

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and your strengths, where no.

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We're not taking on some

alien set of concepts here.

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Is to think about using

your intrinsic interest.

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That is something that you're

motivated to do yourself along with

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your strengths and your values.

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And bring them together.

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To create an invitation.

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Rather than a demand.

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When you went to do something.

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This is about making

work, feel like a choice.

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Or a calling rather than a chore.

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I've been reading about

organizational psychology.

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That is the psychology of

organizations rather than tidying up.

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When we're able to do work

that engages with our internal

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interests, our inner motivations.

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And our personal strengths.

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Job satisfaction goes

really through the roof.

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And.

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Our stress levels decrease a lot.

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Not only are you happier at

work, but you're less stressed.

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And the way to do that is to make

work, feel less like a chore.

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More like a choice.

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I don't want to spend too long on

this, but I do want you to take the

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via character strengths assessment.

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And think about.

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How can you bring your top

five strengths into work today?

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Where are you struggling and work

and which one of your strengths?

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Gives you the ideal tool to tackle that.

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If you're having to deal with lots

of tasks that are draining you.

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Have a conversation with the people you

work with, or if you work for yourself.

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I have a conversation with your business

bestie, the person that gets you.

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Can you delegate them?

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Can you automate them?

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So much can be automated.

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And if it really doesn't align

with any of your strengths or

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interests, Is it even essential?

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And finally get yourself

a wonderful feedback loop.

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No feedback loop can be colleagues

or a supervisor, a boss.

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If you work in a company.

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That's big enough.

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But you might also find a

business community where other

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people are really happy to.

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Cheer you on and give you feedback.

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You might need to look for a mentor.

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If you're self-employed.

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: 00:15:29

That getting a positive feedback loop

brings us back to the celebration

356

: 00:15:34

that I talked about before.

357

: 00:15:35

The important thing is that.

358

: 00:15:37

You're choosing to do this work.

359

: 00:15:40

And if it's not work that you

feel you have a choice in.

360

: 00:15:42

Bring that strengths in.

361

: 00:15:44

Bring in your vision, your values.

362

: 00:15:46

Are you doing it because you want to have

a great life for your family, because

363

: 00:15:51

it aligns with your social vision.

364

: 00:15:53

Think about it in the big picture.

365

: 00:15:55

And then see how heavy it feels.

366

: 00:15:58

I always feel like tasks.

367

: 00:16:00

We don't want to do weigh us

down but if we use our strengths

368

: 00:16:04

and our values, somehow, they

don't feel so heavy to carry.

369

: 00:16:08

And finally today I wanted

to talk about self-talk.

370

: 00:16:12

Self-talk is probably the most

important topic of all three here.

371

: 00:16:17

Because it's the one that

we have most control over.

372

: 00:16:21

There is so much research that shows

people with positive self-talk are

373

: 00:16:25

more able to regulate their emotions.

374

: 00:16:28

They have better mental health.

375

: 00:16:30

And they have lower levels of distress

than people who talk negatively to

376

: 00:16:35

themselves or have very negative messages

that they repeat often to themselves.

377

: 00:16:40

And this is especially important.

378

: 00:16:41

If you have ADHD because of

the way that our brains can get

379

: 00:16:45

fixated on things really quickly.

380

: 00:16:48

. Barbara Luther.

381

: 00:16:48

Who's one of the wonderful

coaches at ADDCA who teaches.

382

: 00:16:52

And has taught hundreds of ADHD, coaches?

383

: 00:16:55

No.

384

: 00:16:55

Always says, bad is stickier than good.

385

: 00:16:58

And that's why we need to really push the

positive and push the good, because the

386

: 00:17:05

bad will cling on for as long as it can.

387

: 00:17:07

It's a survival mechanism.

388

: 00:17:09

It's not a fault or a floor, but it

is something we need to be aware of.

389

: 00:17:14

If you are struggling with this.

390

: 00:17:15

Make sure that you have an assessment.

391

: 00:17:18

It's not a depression or anxiety.

392

: 00:17:20

If it is you need medical support.

393

: 00:17:22

But if it is just a habit of

self-talk that frames the world and

394

: 00:17:26

yourself in a way where everything is

terrible and everything feels awful.

395

: 00:17:31

And.

396

: 00:17:32

You are useless and oh, of

course, that would happen to me.

397

: 00:17:36

If you're catching these

negative loops of self-talk.

398

: 00:17:40

No, it is what happens to your mood.

399

: 00:17:42

When you do them.

400

: 00:17:43

No, it's the.

401

: 00:17:44

The impact on your energy,

on how motivated you are.

402

: 00:17:48

Because what's happening

is your brain is flicking.

403

: 00:17:51

The motivation kill switchthe

habenula even remember I

404

: 00:17:55

mentioned it before in focus.

405

: 00:17:57

Negative messages, negative feedback.

406

: 00:18:00

Flake set switch and the

dopamine supply is turned off.

407

: 00:18:04

And then we feel terrible

because we don't have it.

408

: 00:18:07

Your brain is feeling the absence.

409

: 00:18:10

And that's because of the negative

messages, the negative self-talk.

410

: 00:18:14

And given the feedback that

many of us get because of our

411

: 00:18:18

forgetfulness or disorganization

or planning, et cetera, et cetera.

412

: 00:18:22

It's really easy to see why we are stuck.

413

: 00:18:25

And this negative loop.

414

: 00:18:26

What can you do about it?

415

: 00:18:28

Obviously, first of all, just become

really aware of how you talk to

416

: 00:18:31

yourself and how other people talk.

417

: 00:18:34

Are your friends and family

relentlessly downbeat.

418

: 00:18:38

And if they are.

419

: 00:18:39

Is there a reason or is it

just how they see things?

420

: 00:18:42

If you are experiencing a few challenges.

421

: 00:18:45

Are you falling into a negative

pattern of how you view things?

422

: 00:18:50

Catch yourself first.

423

: 00:18:52

Second step obviously,

is to challenge that.

424

: 00:18:54

And then replace it.

425

: 00:18:55

And here again, you might

want to use a neutral response

426

: 00:18:59

rather than a positive one.

427

: 00:19:00

Because it positive reframe might feel.

428

: 00:19:03

Completely alien to you, but can we

think about it neutrally to begin with.

429

: 00:19:08

And the way to do that

is, is this really true?

430

: 00:19:11

Is it really true?

431

: 00:19:12

That this particular event is.

432

: 00:19:14

Typical for me because my life is

terrible or is it just bad luck?

433

: 00:19:18

Cause it was in the wrong

time or the wrong place.

434

: 00:19:20

Is it true?

435

: 00:19:21

Challenge it.

436

: 00:19:22

And then reframe it

with something neutral.

437

: 00:19:24

Or when you get used to that.

438

: 00:19:26

More positive.

439

: 00:19:27

If you come.

440

: 00:19:28

And then finally.

441

: 00:19:29

Think about some affirmations that

you can use throughout the day.

442

: 00:19:32

I love Ben Zander and

the work that he did.

443

: 00:19:36

With his late ex-wife Ros on the art of

possibility some of the rules and the

444

: 00:19:41

art of possibility are things that I have

taken on as my own personal affirmations.

445

: 00:19:46

How fascinating.

446

: 00:19:48

Is one of them.

447

: 00:19:48

Which I rule out with regularity.

448

: 00:19:51

Real six.

449

: 00:19:52

Don't take yourself so seriously.

450

: 00:19:54

And I, especially like, My job is to

stand in the universe of possibility.

451

: 00:19:58

Set the context and let life unfold.

452

: 00:20:02

And that feels so much less negative.

453

: 00:20:05

It's not entirely positive because I'm a

loving for things to vary from day to day.

454

: 00:20:11

But you may have other affirmations that

you want to bring in about yourself.

455

: 00:20:15

I am enough.

456

: 00:20:16

Is a really good one.

457

: 00:20:18

But if that feels like too much, I

have a look at a loving, kindness ones.

458

: 00:20:22

That are used in the loving

kindness self-compassion meditation.

459

: 00:20:26

May I be safe.

460

: 00:20:28

May I be loved.

461

: 00:20:29

May I accept myself exactly as I am.

462

: 00:20:32

These are really good affirmations.

463

: 00:20:35

And there may be easier.

464

: 00:20:36

To acknowledge and to accept them

really , powerful, positive ones.

465

: 00:20:40

And self-talk when it's done positively.

466

: 00:20:43

Can change how resilient we

are, as well as your sense of.

467

: 00:20:47

Wellbeing.

468

: 00:20:48

And competence in the world.

469

: 00:20:50

It's really important to start

catching yourself as the first step.

470

: 00:20:55

The real transformation happens when

we bring all of those things together.

471

: 00:20:59

To combination of self-talk.

472

: 00:21:02

Of force free work that's in line

with your values and your strengths.

473

: 00:21:06

And especially celebration

all of those together.

474

: 00:21:09

Can be incredibly powerful for

changing how you feel about yourself.

475

: 00:21:14

On the world and your

place in the universe.

476

: 00:21:17

It suddenly becomes a life

that is not just manageable,

477

: 00:21:22

but fulfilling and meaningful.

478

: 00:21:24

So celebrating small wins regularly.

479

: 00:21:27

Reinforces our motivation.

480

: 00:21:29

When we work in a force free way where

we're making a choice that aligns

481

: 00:21:34

with our values and our strengths.

482

: 00:21:36

We reduced the burnout.

483

: 00:21:37

Reduce the stress.

484

: 00:21:39

And the positive self-talk helps

us to manage the setbacks that

485

: 00:21:43

everybody experiences every day.

486

: 00:21:45

And improves our overall

mental health and wellbeing.

487

: 00:21:48

So all together, your

general wellbeing and.

488

: 00:21:52

Productivity in the best sense

ability to do what you choose.

489

: 00:21:57

Are.

490

: 00:21:57

And handsome by combining

all three of them.

491

: 00:22:00

It's a three legged stool again.

492

: 00:22:02

I have a client who really used

to struggle with procrastination.

493

: 00:22:06

And was incredibly talented,

a new, I say the about all of

494

: 00:22:10

them, but what can I tell you?

495

: 00:22:11

It's the whole R and.

496

: 00:22:13

By using positive self-talk.

497

: 00:22:15

Starting with acknowledgement

and building up to celebration.

498

: 00:22:18

She was able to really change

how she engaged with work.

499

: 00:22:22

Instead of anticipating her brain, giving

her a hard time for not doing things.

500

: 00:22:27

She knew that she would be able

to reframe and challenge that.

501

: 00:22:31

And so it became easier to start tasks

and the procrastination improved.

502

: 00:22:36

And it's a procrastination improved.

503

: 00:22:38

Her self image and self efficacy improved.

504

: 00:22:41

And so we ended up in this

wonderful feedback loop.

505

: 00:22:44

And it's not just that her life

and her work became easier.

506

: 00:22:47

And she was more productive.

507

: 00:22:49

Lee felt more meaningful.

508

: 00:22:51

I'm more satisfying and

fulfilling and a really deep way.

509

: 00:22:55

All of these strategies are things I've

included in my ADHD raising framework.

510

: 00:23:00

And it's really important that we

don't just focus on productivity

511

: 00:23:04

hacks or time management.

512

: 00:23:06

Those are important.

513

: 00:23:08

That if you're still

talking badly to yourself.

514

: 00:23:11

While you're trying to set

up your wonderful planner.

515

: 00:23:14

Is it any wonder that

it hasn't worked yet?

516

: 00:23:17

So all of these strategies

are things that are ongoing.

517

: 00:23:21

For me and for everybody else.

518

: 00:23:23

I would encourage you to try

each of the strategies, but start

519

: 00:23:27

small begin with acceptance.

520

: 00:23:29

Begin with catching.

521

: 00:23:31

The self-talk begin with

522

: 00:23:33

recognizing your strengths during

the via character assessment.

523

: 00:23:37

And although you will want to

jump far ahead and please do.

524

: 00:23:41

Feel completely okay with

just doing those three things.

525

: 00:23:44

Maybe you can discover one affirmation.

526

: 00:23:48

That allows you to challenge a

negative comment that you repeat

527

: 00:23:52

to yourself about yourself.

528

: 00:23:53

Very often.

529

: 00:23:54

I would love to hear from you.

530

: 00:23:56

I don't know if you want to share

what you're doing on social media,

531

: 00:23:59

you can tag me or the podcast.

532

: 00:24:01

And let other people know

about these strategies so

533

: 00:24:04

that they can include them in.

534

: 00:24:05

Everybody can begin to feel better.

535

: 00:24:08

I remember you can always get in

touch with me through the podcast.

536

: 00:24:11

Show notes.

537

: 00:24:12

There's an email contact

address in there, or my website.

538

: 00:24:15

So until next week.

539

: 00:24:17

It's been so fantastic to share

these tools with you today.

540

: 00:24:21

And I look forward to seeing you again.

541

: 00:24:24

In a week.

542

: 00:24:24

Until then.

543

: 00:24:25

Take care