ADHD & Stress - is chronic stress a silent threat for late diagnosed adults?

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RODE NT-USB & Susan's iphone (work) Camera:

welcome back.

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My friend, it is time for this

week's ADHD, powerful possibilities.

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I am . ADHD coach Catherine, And this

week we are looking at ADHD and stress.

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When I called chronic stress, the silent

assassin in a recent social media post.

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a friend of mine said.

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don't you think you're being a

bit, "click-bait-y" are you being

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a bit of a sensationalist here?

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I really want to keep things grounded

in fact, and avoid the kind of

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sensational headlines that I see.

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Big podcasters and media people using

when they're trying to get listeners.

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Is it accurate to call chronic

stress, a silent assassin?

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I would argue that, yes it is.

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It's one of the biggest problems

that we face as a society today.

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And for people with ADHD, I

would go further and say it's

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more of a problem for us.

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Because we're permanently in a state

of chronic stress, unless we're

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actively taking steps to deal with it.

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So let's look at what is stress,

how does it affect people with ADHD?

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What can we do about it?

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And as usual, there will be journal

articles and references that

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you can find in the show notes.

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What does chronic stress do to your body?

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According to the APA chronic stress

is linked to the six major causes

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of death in the west at the moment.

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Heart disease, cancer, lung disease.

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Accidents liver cirrhosis.

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And unfortunately.

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Taking of one's own life.

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I don't want to use the term

because it will cause algorithms

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to go off, but unaliving is.

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the way that young people

talk about it today.

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The unique impact of ADHD can

mean that everyday life in itself

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becomes a chronic stressor.

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And that means that we are much

more vulnerable to these impacts.

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And adults with ADHD are twice

as likely to be diabetic.

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Than people without ADHD.

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Although chronic stress may not.

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Directly.

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Cause diabetes.

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I'll explain later why?

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I think it is particularly

important for people with ADHD.

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To be aware of how it can

affect your health long term.

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we tend to think of stress as affecting

our mental health Our well being, our

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level of anxiety and so on, but it has

a real physical effect and I want you

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to be aware that your mental health

and your physical health are connected.

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Throughout your life, but

especially as you get older,

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So today we're going to look at stress.

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We're going to unpack what it is, how

it affects us physically, mentally.

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The connection with ADHD and more

importantly, what we can do about it.

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As always.

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At the end of the programme, there will be

takeaways that you can start to use today.

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And last week we began by looking

at ADHD and emotional dysregulation.

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A quick recap, emotional dysregulation.

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Can be experienced as sudden mood changes.

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An intense, emotional reaction.

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Having problems calming down after

we've been really stressed and upset.

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And it also can affect your

personal and professional

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performance at home and at work.

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Emotional dysregulation

can occur at any time.

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It's something we experienced

through our whole life.

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Lots of people were told.

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You're just a bit emotional.

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You're too sensitive.

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Get over it.

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So, if you want to know more

about emotional dysregulation,

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RSD how emotions are formed,

what the pathway is in your body.

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Jump back to last week after this episode.

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One of the reasons I wanted to have

a little episode looking at stress.

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is because our emotions.

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Can be triggered by

stressors in the environment.

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The external stimuli, the internal

stimuli that lead to emotions.

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Are described as stressors.

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So while you're learning to

notice, what affects your

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focus, your energy, your sleep.

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We're also going to start to look at

what's affecting your individual stress

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response and what can you do about it?

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Ideally, we're going to get

those stress bunnies into line.

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So that they're not running around

and spoiling your nice garden.

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But it takes time.

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There are no quick solutions.

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There's no one cool trick that

I'm going to share with you today.

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But I am going to give you

the facts that you need.

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And some tools that you can

choose to play with later on.

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And I want to reassure you.

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This doesn't mean you

need to mask or hide.

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Any kind of unhealthy resilience.

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There's none of that.

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It's really about going beyond,

needing to mask and needing to

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feel that you have to be resilient.

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We want to design a life.

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Where that is not required.

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Let's imagine that you have a backpack

on your back and it's got rocks in it.

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These rocks are every challenge

that you have throughout the day

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every demand upon your focus,

upon your energy upon your time.

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And if you have ADHD, you're

already starting with a backpack.

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That's more than half full.

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Just because of the way

that your brain works.

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And not only are those stones heavier,

but they can be added to or taken away.

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unpredictably or at least

it feels unpredictable.

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And although you can't take

the backpack off completely.

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Unlike some gurus, I'm not suggesting that

we all go off and live in the forest and

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have this wonderful organic lifestyle,

which would be really nice for many of us.

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It's just not practical.

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So the backpack has to stay on

so that we can manage stress

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and events in our daily life.

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But can we reinforce the straps?

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Can we make it more

comfortable on your shoulders?

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Can you build up your muscles so that

you don't even feel the backpack anymore?

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And is there a way to keep

the rocks from going in?

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Or can we make the rocks that

you have to pick up smaller.

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Think about your backpack as

we go through this episode.

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And I'm going to start asking you to think

about the rocks that you're carrying and

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the ones that are being added every day.

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Let's look at the science of stress.

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Stress is just a response

to our environment.

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When we see something as a challenge.

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or a threat.

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Our body releases, chemicals,

neurotransmitters, like

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adrenaline and cortisol.

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These get us ready to fight flight

freeze, or there's another one

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that some people add, fawn or fib.

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Whichever one you want to use.

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But basically your brain is

saying I'm going to keep you

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alive for as long as possible.

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And that means you need

to be ready to run.

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So here are some chemicals that

will make your muscles go faster.

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Make your heart beat faster.

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Turn off your digestion a little

bit and get your brain focused

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to move you out of harm's way.

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If you go back to the episode, talking

about emotions I go into detail about

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the pathway that all these messages

get passed through in your brain.

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If you think about being late

for a meeting, being late for

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a Drop off at school, being

late for an important deadline.

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Your heart starts to pound.

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You maybe start to sweat

your hands, get damp.

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And clammy.

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Maybe feel a bit sick.

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This is the impact of stress being felt

in a short time frame on your body.

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Now The NHS in the UK?

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says stress can make you irritable angry.

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Can make you feel worried, tearful.

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It can sometimes make us feel hopeless

or scared if it goes on for too long.

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It can also make it

hard to make decisions.

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Now is this starting to sound a little

bit like what we experience with ADHD?

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If your thoughts are racing,

you're struggling to make decisions

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and you're feeling overwhelmed.

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How are you going to

determine if it's just ADHD?

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Or if it's a stress in your

environment, in your current situation.

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You might want to look at some

of the physical reactions.

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that can go with it in the short

term things like racing pulse.

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A headache, Lots of us have had

those headaches that last all day.

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And it can be caused by stress.

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Stress because our muscles are tight.

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Our shoulders are tight

our neck is cramping up.

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So you could have a physical

sign that can help you determine

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is it stress, or is it ADHD?

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But the point is that the

overlap is already there.

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So it's important to manage

stress and be proactive about it

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The reason that stress and ADHD are such

a toxic combination is that we already

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have a different background level.

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or base level, if you like

of neurotransmitters like

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dopamine cortisol, adrenaline.

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Our brain releases these in

an attenuated or lower way.

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Somebody described it once.

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as playing a game in hard mode from

the beginning without realising.

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And as somebody who came to

computer games late in life, I

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always go for the easy option.

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I will never choose to play in hard

mode because I find that off putting.

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And I do think many of us with ADHD.

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Feel like we just can't win.

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And a lot of that is down to stress.

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If you're already struggling

with dopamine, norepinephrine,

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cortisol, adrenaline.

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Imagine what happens let's say

you're a marketing executive.

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You have got a big deadline for a new

client, your project isn't finished.

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And you're struggling to gather

all the resources together.

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what's your response going to be.

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Are you going to be calm.

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communicate clearly with your team.

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bring things together or are you

more likely to be running around,

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getting snappy with people, filling

your heart, maybe getting a bit fast,

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maybe even getting some chest pains.

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Which one of these are you

going to experience more?

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And if that becomes your norm, We tip

over into the area of chronic stress,

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which is very different from the positive

stress that I want to look at next.

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Stress can be a positive thing

don't need to spend too long

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on why stress can be positive.

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But if we have a lower background

level of adrenaline norepinephrine.

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dopamine, etc, When you have a short

emergency burst of adrenaline, you might

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find that your brain focuses more easily.

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And you suddenly can get things done.

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You see the solution to

the problem you take.

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Action It's one of the reasons

why many people with ADHD.

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find themselves in high pressure

environments, whether that is working

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in emergency services in medicine,

these kind of intense bursts of energy.

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wonderful for our brain.

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or at least they feel

wonderful to begin with.

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The thing that makes stress

positive is that it is short term.

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It is defined and there's a

problem that you can solve.

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If you are in a job with a lot

of pressure, a lot of stress.

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But you have very little

control over how that problem.

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is managed.

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That is going to eventually

turn into a chronic stressor.

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And one of the areas That's very

common for people with ADHD to

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experience chronic stress is at work.

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We may not have control over

the things that are affecting

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us on a day to day basis.

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Which is why home work relationships.

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parenting money problems.

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These all become sources of chronic

stress because we are not in control.

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We're not the only person involved.

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The circumstances may not be something

that we can manage in isolation.

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And of course.

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When we are stressed.

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The impact, all those things we've talked

about, struggling to focus, feeling

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overwhelmed, being to make decisions.

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These get worse.

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And they make your ADHD traits

feel worse, have more of an impact.

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And so it becomes this vicious cycle.

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The more overwhelmed you become the more

stressed you become, the more stressed you

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become, the more your ADHD, affects you.

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And then you get even more stressed.

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You can see where this is going.

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It's a vicious cycle that needs

managed and of course, support.

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If you add in.

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The higher rates of childhood

traumatic experiences and a more

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negative view of life of ourselves.

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A more ruminative state

of mind, if you like.

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That also means that people with ADHD are

more likely to experience chronic stress.

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So if you have ADHD, The impact

of identifying the chronic stress.

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The things that you can deal with

and that you can get support for

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and even learning to manage your

positive stress and identify it.

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Before it turns into something

that is burning you out.

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Can be a real game changer in

how we feel every day and how we

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manage when things do go off the

rails, because life happens right.

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The thing is that combination of

doing deep work of challenging

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the way we think about ourselves

the way we think about life?

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the way we look at challenges

that come up for us.

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Needs to be done along with the

everyday, the short term things

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like, what are we tolerating?

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Are we making sure we're

getting enough sleep?

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You need to do both of those

things to make a significant

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and long lasting change.

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And that might mean.

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I'm Taking a bit of time to stop looking

at new shiny objects and thinking.

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What do I need to address?

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now And in the long term, And

how am i going to do that.

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Let's have a look at the special stressors

that people with ADHD might experience.

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Think about your executive functions.

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People with ADHD, have a wide range.

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Of executive function challenges.

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Some people have amazing ability to

plan ahead and they can almost visualize

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how they're going to structure things.

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Some people have brilliant

time management skills.

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But they could not plan and

organise a holiday if you

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paid them thousands of pounds.

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They all fall into this general bucket.

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Which we call executive functions.

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And within those, you will find the

requirements for daily adult life.

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So even before we start to think about.

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Extra problems we're likely to

experience with money with family.

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You're starting from a higher

level of demand on a daily basis.

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Another problem that people with ADHD in

particular are likely to experience is.

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The impact of multitasking.

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Multitasking is never good for anybody.

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And studies have shown even when people

think they're really good at multitasking.

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They're not.

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Multitasking.

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feels really good with ADHD because it

feels like we're being very efficient.

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We're getting extra things done at once.

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Our brain is happy because

it's being allowed to attend to

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different things at the same time.

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And that is an extra bunch of rocks that

you're putting into your backpack because

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you're dividing your brain already.

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Almost across the board, ADHD

affects your time management.

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And time is incredibly pressured

these days, we have deadlines.

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We have demands.

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And time if you're already struggling to

grasp it, to manage it, to understand it,

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then that is an extra rock that goes into

your backpack from the start of your day.

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I know a remarkable number of

people with ADHD who struggle

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with auditory processing.

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Now, that doesn't mean we can't hear.

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It means that the processing of

instruction or information that comes

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in through our ears takes longer to

turn into information that we can use.

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For example, if I was in a classroom.

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I need to be taking notes at the

same time as I'm listening because

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then I can look at the notes and I

know what the person's been saying.

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If you gave me directions to a

place and I didn't manage to write

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them down I wouldn't remember them.

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I can remember one or two steps

at most and this is really normal.

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It's nothing to do with how intelligent

you are or how good your memory is.

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It's just Information that comes in that

way is more difficult for us to retain

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this week, it's been very windy and stormy

in Scotland, and I felt It was incredibly

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tense for no new reason and it was just

the sound of the wind outside that was

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making my brain feel really on edge.

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So when we're thinking about emotions

and emotional dysregulation and stress,

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I hope you can see how the impact of

stress is going to affect your emotions

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and lead very quickly into emotional

dysregulation if we're unaware.

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of what's happening

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Stress doesn't just add extra

rocks into your backpack, which is

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already half full because of ADHD.

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It amplifies the impact, because it

increases your cortisol, and the more of

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these neurotransmitters like adrenaline

and cortisol that we have, the more things

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like focus, attention, problem solving,

the executive functions are affected.

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And so the more stressed we become, we

really quickly end up in this vicious

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circle of being really stressed.

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Our ADHD feels worse.

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We have a harder time doing things

that makes our stress worse.

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And you can see how it.

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It really starts to get out of

control, which is why overwhelm and

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just paralysis happens so often.

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And I'm not talking about physical

paralysis, although we can experience

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it as an inability to move.

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But that mental block of not being able

to do a single thing and that feeling

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of just everything being too much.

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Intimately connected between your

emotional dysregulation and the

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amount of stress that is in your life.

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Of course, the stress that's in your life.

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Ripples out.

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It goes through your workplace,

it goes through your home, it

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goes through your friendships.

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And we know how important social

connection is for people with ADHD.

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But if you're permanently stressed,

anxious, and you're maybe, like me,

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a bit snappy when you're on edge.

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When you've got a lot to handle.

326

: 00:16:52

That can make social connection

much harder to maintain.

327

: 00:16:56

You might feel you're too busy.

328

: 00:16:58

To make time, to cultivate friendships,

to spend time with your loved ones

329

: 00:17:03

without anything else going on.

330

: 00:17:04

So the impact of stress goes

through your whole life and then

331

: 00:17:08

goes out into society as a whole.

332

: 00:17:11

Because of our heightened sensitivity

to stress and the impact it

333

: 00:17:15

has on us, what are the really

quick things that you can do?

334

: 00:17:18

The first one obviously is exercise,

and by exercise a walk around the block,

335

: 00:17:23

anything that gets your heart rate up

to a, what they call zone two, where

336

: 00:17:27

you can still have a conversation but

you're feeling like you're moving.

337

: 00:17:31

And for me that doesn't have to

be very much these days because

338

: 00:17:34

I'm quite unfit at the moment.

339

: 00:17:35

But exercise has a It has an

incredible effect on everybody's

340

: 00:17:40

brain and our cortisol levels, etc.

341

: 00:17:43

But especially if you have ADHD.

342

: 00:17:45

So try to make that

something you have every day.

343

: 00:17:47

The other thing that you

can do is introduce a very

344

: 00:17:50

short Mindfulness practice.

345

: 00:17:52

And this isn't a 45 minute scan of your

body and dwelling on all of your thoughts

346

: 00:17:57

and examining them and things like that.

347

: 00:17:59

It's literally learning to manage your

breathing in a way that can allow you

348

: 00:18:04

to reduce that tension and stress.

349

: 00:18:06

We'll come back to that.

350

: 00:18:08

Before we go on to more ways that you

can manage stress, because we don't

351

: 00:18:12

want to get rid of stress completely.

352

: 00:18:14

It's actually a positive and

helpful thing for most people.

353

: 00:18:17

Let's talk about stress.

354

: 00:18:18

This resilience which has gone

too far, toxic resilience.

355

: 00:18:22

Now, I know many people with

ADHD are incredibly resilient.

356

: 00:18:26

We keep going.

357

: 00:18:28

We have an almost insatiable

need to solve the problem.

358

: 00:18:32

And it's one of the reasons why we

end up in business for ourselves.

359

: 00:18:35

It's one of the reasons why people with

ADHD can be a huge gift in your workplace,

360

: 00:18:40

if you're an employer listening to this.

361

: 00:18:42

People with ADHD will keep going

till they solve that problem.

362

: 00:18:45

But it can come at a cost to themselves.

363

: 00:18:48

When you are feeling burnt out

and overwhelmed, it may be that

364

: 00:18:52

you have strayed too close to this

kind of toxic level of resilience.

365

: 00:18:56

And what does that look like?

366

: 00:18:58

How are you going to spot it?

367

: 00:18:59

How do you know if you've gone

too far in this resilience

368

: 00:19:03

trait that is so normal in ADHD?

369

: 00:19:06

You could be ignoring signs of

burnout, which we talked about before.

370

: 00:19:10

It could be that you are working late.

371

: 00:19:12

Every single night instead

of one or two nights a month.

372

: 00:19:16

It could mean you're not making time

for activities that you enjoy and

373

: 00:19:20

which are, in quotes, not productive

or not related to your work.

374

: 00:19:24

And this is a really common trap for

high achievers with ADHD or people

375

: 00:19:29

who are self employed entrepreneurs.

376

: 00:19:31

They push and push.

377

: 00:19:33

and then they burn out because

they've ignored these signs.

378

: 00:19:36

Let's pause and I want you to

answer these five questions.

379

: 00:19:40

Are you ignoring your

limits, physical or mental?

380

: 00:19:43

Are you somebody who's

glorifying overwork?

381

: 00:19:46

Has it become a badge of honour

to work 60 or 70 hours a week?

382

: 00:19:50

Are you neglecting your emotional health?

383

: 00:19:53

Do you have somebody that

you can regularly connect

384

: 00:19:56

with and express things to?

385

: 00:19:58

Have you lost the boundary

between your work and your life?

386

: 00:20:02

Is there any balance left?

387

: 00:20:03

And do you recognise that you are

working at a level that is not

388

: 00:20:08

sustainable but continue to do so anyway?

389

: 00:20:11

If you can answer yes to most

of these questions, please take

390

: 00:20:15

care of yourself, because that is

very close to burnout territory.

391

: 00:20:20

It might not happen emotionally, but

physically the effect of that much

392

: 00:20:25

stress is going to come home eventually.

393

: 00:20:27

And what happens if we just ignore

the stress, or we try to manage

394

: 00:20:32

it in a way that isn't helpful?

395

: 00:20:33

I mentioned earlier the physical

impact of chronic stress according

396

: 00:20:38

to the APA, and it's really scary.

397

: 00:20:41

And I don't use that word very

often, but it is, genuinely.

398

: 00:20:43

Things that you would imagine, like

anxiety and depression, are more

399

: 00:20:48

common, but also heart disease,

cancer, lung disease, liver cirrhosis.

400

: 00:20:54

More likely to have high blood

pressure, which is the silent killer.

401

: 00:20:57

You're more likely to have

strokes, sleep problems.

402

: 00:21:00

You're more likely to gain weight.

403

: 00:21:02

And, of course, you'll

have problems with memory.

404

: 00:21:04

And we suspect there's a connection

between stress and things like dementia.

405

: 00:21:09

Stress changes our behaviour.

406

: 00:21:11

Because we adapt our behaviour

to deal with the stress.

407

: 00:21:15

We're more likely to smoke, to overeat,

to eat a more refined type of diet,

408

: 00:21:21

we're more likely to consume alcohol

or other things if we're dealing with

409

: 00:21:25

stress in a less constructive way.

410

: 00:21:28

And we know that job pressure with a

limited capacity for solving problems

411

: 00:21:34

if you're not in charge of your

decisions, that's a higher risk

412

: 00:21:37

for coronary heart disease.

413

: 00:21:39

Stress even depresses your immune

system, so you're more likely to get

414

: 00:21:43

sick from all the viruses that are

going around today and that makes

415

: 00:21:48

it harder to recover from illness.

416

: 00:21:50

And in today's world that

may mean economic problems

417

: 00:21:53

because you're not working.

418

: 00:21:54

And of course we know that

money problems feed into stress.

419

: 00:21:58

It's very easy to fall into a cycle

of absolutely feeling trapped by

420

: 00:22:03

the amount of stress in your life.

421

: 00:22:05

And before, when I talked about diabetes

and stress, there are three reasons why I

422

: 00:22:10

think stress and diabetes are connected.

423

: 00:22:12

The first is hormones.

424

: 00:22:14

If you are stressed, your body is

going to release hormones to deal

425

: 00:22:18

with it, so you'll have more glucose

in your bloodstream for you to run

426

: 00:22:21

away from the tiger or the bear.

427

: 00:22:23

But over time, if that keeps

happening, your blood sugar is

428

: 00:22:27

going to be permanently raised.

429

: 00:22:30

And that means you're going to become

insulin resistant, which is what leads

430

: 00:22:34

to type 2 diabetes for many people.

431

: 00:22:36

The other way stress can lead to

diabetes is it affects our behaviour.

432

: 00:22:40

And of course there's the inflammatory

response over time, that is also going

433

: 00:22:45

to affect how your body responds to

insulin all of these factors together,

434

: 00:22:50

to me, suggest that diabetes, which

we are already at risk for, with

435

: 00:22:54

ADHD, is connected with stress.

436

: 00:22:57

Let's take a moment and look

at how you can identify what's

437

: 00:23:01

causing stress in your life.

438

: 00:23:03

And obviously, this can feel overwhelming

if you are in a place where everything

439

: 00:23:08

is stressful and you're burnt out.

440

: 00:23:10

The first thing I do when I want to do

a brain dump and work out what's causing

441

: 00:23:14

me stress is to relax my body first.

442

: 00:23:17

So I begin by taking a deep breath

in through my nose, making sure

443

: 00:23:21

it's inflating my tummy, and then

breathing out through my mouth.

444

: 00:23:24

And while I'm doing that, I'm

noticing Where am I holding tension?

445

: 00:23:28

For me, it's usually my

shoulders and my neck.

446

: 00:23:31

Sometimes it's in my jaw.

447

: 00:23:32

If you notice that any of those areas

feel tight just now, give them a

448

: 00:23:36

little wiggle, and gently soften them.

449

: 00:23:39

Imagine nice, soft, warm light on all of

those tense, tight muscles, especially in

450

: 00:23:45

your neck, your shoulders, and your jaw.

451

: 00:23:47

And once I've deliberately relaxed

my muscles, It's easier to face

452

: 00:23:52

the things that are causing

stress, the rest of the pile.

453

: 00:23:56

Because I've told my body, it's okay,

we're going to think about these

454

: 00:24:00

things, but right now, we're safe,

we're just going to make a list.

455

: 00:24:03

Think about, are you

over committing at work?

456

: 00:24:06

Are you saying yes to too many projects?

457

: 00:24:09

Is there a project or an event

coming up at work that you

458

: 00:24:12

are trying to manage alone?

459

: 00:24:13

Is there a project or an event that

you are trying to manage on your own?

460

: 00:24:18

Is a member of your family or one

of your friends having a hard time?

461

: 00:24:21

And you're worried about them, you're

concerned, you want to help, but there's

462

: 00:24:25

maybe not very much you feel you can do.

463

: 00:24:27

Are you carrying that with you?

464

: 00:24:29

Instead of trying to write down

everything at once, take a moment at

465

: 00:24:33

the end of the day and just check What

was causing me the most stress today?

466

: 00:24:37

Now, I have to say, in my personal

practice, I tie this with three

467

: 00:24:41

things that I'm grateful for,

or three things that gave me

468

: 00:24:43

joy, so I try to balance it out.

469

: 00:24:45

But, is there something in

particular that is causing you

470

: 00:24:48

stress that you can write down?

471

: 00:24:49

Now you've identified the type of

stress you're experiencing, and what's

472

: 00:24:53

causing it, how do you address it?

473

: 00:24:55

This is really complicated because it

depends on your circumstances, the thing

474

: 00:25:00

that's causing stress, and how much

agency or control you have over it.

475

: 00:25:06

And one of the things I think

causes most stress is when we

476

: 00:25:10

feel we don't have any agency.

477

: 00:25:12

It's something that's been imposed

on us, and we can't get rid of it.

478

: 00:25:15

If you can't remove the source

of the stress, there are ways

479

: 00:25:20

to think differently about that.

480

: 00:25:22

You might choose to set a boundary for

yourself and say, I'm going to think about

481

: 00:25:27

this situation for five to ten minutes.

482

: 00:25:30

If I haven't come up with something that

I can do practically, then I'm going to

483

: 00:25:34

I'm going to put a pin in it and leave it

for another day because I can't change it.

484

: 00:25:39

And sometimes acknowledging that lack

of control and saying, I can't do

485

: 00:25:43

anything about it, it's causing me

harm, I'm not letting go of it, but I'm

486

: 00:25:47

going to leave it to one side can help.

487

: 00:25:49

You might also find that you come up

with a phrase or a mantra and Dana

488

: 00:25:54

Maher, who is a fantastic coach in the

States and who taught me, came up with

489

: 00:25:59

this phrase especially for parents I

can't care more about this than you do.

490

: 00:26:04

So if you have a teenager who's maybe

thinking about exams, you maybe have

491

: 00:26:08

a partner who's stressed out at work,

if you are taking on their stress, if

492

: 00:26:13

you are taking on too much of the thing

that they need to do but aren't doing.

493

: 00:26:18

That phrase can help you to

set a boundary for yourself.

494

: 00:26:22

I can't care more about this than you do.

495

: 00:26:25

Because it hurts us in the long term.

496

: 00:26:28

You might also, if you're spending

a lot of time in your head with

497

: 00:26:31

stress, want to spend a bit more

time connecting with your body in a

498

: 00:26:35

way that is pleasant and relaxing.

499

: 00:26:38

Exercise doesn't have to be strenuous.

500

: 00:26:40

It can be a gentle walk around the park.

501

: 00:26:44

I especially love a walk in nature

for dealing with stress because it

502

: 00:26:48

is shown time and time again to have

positive impact on your mental health.

503

: 00:26:53

I'm sure I'm not the only one who

remembers the TikTok trend of going for a

504

: 00:26:57

stupid walk for your stupid mental health.

505

: 00:26:59

There's a reason that was so popular

because people recognized that it

506

: 00:27:03

was actually helping, even if we

set out with a level of frustration.

507

: 00:27:08

You might find that there are gentle yoga

practices or somatic forms of exercise

508

: 00:27:13

that release the tension in your muscles

without having to think about it too much.

509

: 00:27:18

And these can be very beneficial

to lower your levels of

510

: 00:27:21

cortisol and stress overall.

511

: 00:27:23

Because the thing is, if your body is

ready for fight or flight, you're going

512

: 00:27:28

to struggle to find creative ways to solve

the other problems at work, at home try

513

: 00:27:34

monitoring your stress levels through

the day and you could do this really

514

: 00:27:38

simply with a piece of paper and give

1 to 10, how stressed are you feeling.

515

: 00:27:44

Set an alarm on your phone, check

in every hour, every couple of

516

: 00:27:47

hours, so that you're beginning to

identify the peaks and troughs of

517

: 00:27:50

stress and energy throughout the day.

518

: 00:27:52

If you notice that your state

has changed, is there a cause?

519

: 00:27:57

Is there a circumstance?

520

: 00:27:59

And how is that affecting your mood?

521

: 00:28:00

Because quite often, after a

long time with chronic stress,

522

: 00:28:04

we don't recognise it, anymore.

523

: 00:28:06

It just becomes this

wall of background noise.

524

: 00:28:09

And once you've identified what

is causing your stress, you

525

: 00:28:12

might need to take some action.

526

: 00:28:14

This is where you need to have a team,

and if you live with other people,

527

: 00:28:18

whether you're related to them or not,

you might want to discuss with them

528

: 00:28:22

things that are causing you stress.

529

: 00:28:23

We'll come to communication in future

because I think there are ways to

530

: 00:28:27

do it, but look at how much you're

actually doing on a daily basis

531

: 00:28:32

and ask, I need help with this.

532

: 00:28:34

Who will take this on?

533

: 00:28:35

Whether that is being the person who

notices when the milk has run out, see

534

: 00:28:39

if somebody else can manage that for you.

535

: 00:28:42

If you live on your own there are going

to be people who can do that for you.

536

: 00:28:46

Yes, it's probably something you might

need to pay for, but for example I

537

: 00:28:50

pay a bookkeeper because But it's

a level of stress I don't need, and

538

: 00:28:54

an area that is not my strength.

539

: 00:28:56

So I pay somebody to do that, and

they're very good . Hello Harriet.

540

: 00:28:59

But, list out all your commitments,

look at your priorities, Are these

541

: 00:29:04

things overwhelming your actual

priorities and what can you get rid of?

542

: 00:29:09

There's going to be some things you've

taken on that are no longer serving you.

543

: 00:29:13

There are going to be some things

that are not your responsibility

544

: 00:29:16

that someone else can take on.

545

: 00:29:18

There are going to be things that are your

responsibility someone can help you with.

546

: 00:29:22

And then there are going to be things

that you either need to bless and

547

: 00:29:26

let go, or give yourself enough

mental space, thinking space, to

548

: 00:29:31

come up with a different solution.

549

: 00:29:33

One of the reasons I go to my coach,

I get stuck, I can't see a way around

550

: 00:29:37

it, I go talk to him and we come up

with a solution, but he's fantastic

551

: 00:29:41

at giving me that space to think

552

: 00:29:43

of course.

553

: 00:29:44

Not all coping mechanisms are as healthy?

554

: 00:29:47

Unhealthy coping mechanisms tend

to give you short term relief.

555

: 00:29:50

They feel good for five to ten

minutes, then everything else kicks in.

556

: 00:29:55

So it might be that you have spent

impulsively it might be that you Eat

557

: 00:29:59

something that gives you a quick whoosh of

glucose, which makes your brain feel happy

558

: 00:30:04

in the short term, and then a sharp dive.

559

: 00:30:07

It may be alcohol, or something else

that allows you to numb out because

560

: 00:30:11

the chronic stress is just too much.

561

: 00:30:14

And because of ADHD, we're more

susceptible to these addictive types of

562

: 00:30:19

behavior because the dopamine is already

lower and we're looking for more rewards.

563

: 00:30:25

We need more rewards more often to feel

as good in our brain as the average human.

564

: 00:30:31

And that's why we need to be really

cautious around these unhealthy

565

: 00:30:35

quick fix solutions for stress.

566

: 00:30:37

Where else can you look for help apart

from these unhealthy coping strategies?

567

: 00:30:42

We've talked about exercise.

568

: 00:30:44

We've talked about identifying points

in your day when you feel stressed.

569

: 00:30:48

We've talked about using your body

to lower your stress levels before

570

: 00:30:52

you start to think about things.

571

: 00:30:53

Let's think about relationships.

572

: 00:30:55

Now, they can be a source of stress.

573

: 00:30:57

Generally, the studies show that

having relationships and family

574

: 00:31:01

connections can be a buffer.

575

: 00:31:03

Not all of them, and I'm very aware that

for some people, family relationships are

576

: 00:31:09

a source of significant pain and distress.

577

: 00:31:12

Obviously that is not applicable, but

maybe you have good friends who can listen

578

: 00:31:17

and who can give you that thinking space.

579

: 00:31:19

Maybe they have a different perspective

and as long as they're not doing

580

: 00:31:23

it with any expectation of you

taking their advice and doing what

581

: 00:31:27

you're told, it can be helpful.

582

: 00:31:29

Because then you can say no, I

don't want to try that solution.

583

: 00:31:32

And they can say, OK.

584

: 00:31:34

It can actually help you to

think through how you're going to

585

: 00:31:38

resolve these long term stressors.

586

: 00:31:39

And the other thing that you can

do is start to incorporate little

587

: 00:31:43

mindful moments throughout the day.

588

: 00:31:45

These might not feel like they're having a

big impact to begin with, but taking a few

589

: 00:31:51

moments to pause, the kettle's boiling,

just concentrate on the steam coming up.

590

: 00:31:57

Allow your breath to

return to a normal rate.

591

: 00:32:00

Focus on that instead of all the

stuff you've got to do in advance.

592

: 00:32:03

These mindful moments build up

throughout the day, over time, that

593

: 00:32:07

lower cortisol reduces the impact on

your physical health, it allows you to

594

: 00:32:12

come up with more creative solutions

to the things that are weighing on you.

595

: 00:32:16

And one that is incredibly

powerful is the pause.

596

: 00:32:19

I'm going to come back to that in

a couple of weeks when we look at

597

: 00:32:22

a toolkit for emotional regulation.

598

: 00:32:24

But, taking a moment before you

respond, and you might want to shout

599

: 00:32:28

and react, that's actually just going

to create more cortisol, and you're

600

: 00:32:33

going to inflict it on other people,

601

: 00:32:34

it's like pouring.

602

: 00:32:36

on to a fire, it very rarely

works to resolve the situation.

603

: 00:32:41

Try to pause for a moment before you

respond and that in itself is telling

604

: 00:32:46

your brain, this isn't an emergency,

it can take a minute to think.

605

: 00:32:50

Everything's okay.

606

: 00:32:51

And then your solution, your response

is going to be better for everyone.

607

: 00:32:55

And if you can, commit to some

form of exercise every day.

608

: 00:32:59

I know I talk about it every week.

609

: 00:33:01

But the endorphins we get from

exercise are incredibly good

610

: 00:33:05

for you in terms of your mood.

611

: 00:33:07

Your feeling of well being, how you

respond to the challenges, because we

612

: 00:33:11

can't get rid of the backpack completely,

but the endorphins help to shrink

613

: 00:33:16

it, so you can't take on too much.

614

: 00:33:18

I should say that there comes a point

where you need to get professional help,

615

: 00:33:23

and if it's affecting you so much you've

developed, signs of depression or anxiety,

616

: 00:33:29

you're really not sleeping at night and

you've not experienced any enjoyment in

617

: 00:33:34

your usual activities for two or three

weeks or more, please go and see your

618

: 00:33:37

doctor and get referred to somebody

like a psychologist, a counsellor.

619

: 00:33:42

Get help sooner rather than later because

the long term impact on your physical and

620

: 00:33:48

mental health isn't worth putting it off.

621

: 00:33:50

But remember, you have the power.

622

: 00:33:53

to make changes in how

you respond to the stress.

623

: 00:33:56

Even if you can't empty the

backpack completely and we always

624

: 00:34:00

have a certain amount of rocks in

there because of our ADHD, we can

625

: 00:34:04

choose to go for a daily walk too.

626

: 00:34:07

Release some endorphins.

627

: 00:34:08

We can choose to make time every day

for what I call the non negotiable fun.

628

: 00:34:13

We can choose to make meaningful

connections and to have friendships with

629

: 00:34:19

other people that feedback that wonderful

connection those conversations that

630

: 00:34:25

allow us to laugh and to cope with the

challenges that everyone experiences.

631

: 00:34:32

You can learn what sets off your stress

response and how it affects your ADHD.

632

: 00:34:38

And I believe that you can do this.

633

: 00:34:40

And I believe that you can reduce the

number of stones that you allow to be

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: 00:34:43

put into your backpack on a daily basis.

635

: 00:34:46

And the less we're carrying every

day, the more possibility we have

636

: 00:34:50

to reach a destination that is

really joyful and meaningful for us.

637

: 00:34:55

Let me know if you're going to apply

anything that we've talked about

638

: 00:34:58

today, what you recognise as the

source of your stress and how you're

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: 00:35:03

going to manage it going forward.

640

: 00:35:04

And if you know somebody who's stressed

or you've stressed and you've been living

641

: 00:35:08

with someone, can you share this episode

with them so they understand why they

642

: 00:35:12

need to take care of themselves too.

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: 00:35:14

Maybe.

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: 00:35:15

You can even work together.

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: 00:35:16

And reduce the stress, whether

that's at home or at work.

646

: 00:35:20

Let me know what you're going to do

with this and come back next week when

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: 00:35:23

we're going to do some myth busting

of ADHD because there's just too many

648

: 00:35:28

and it's causing a stress impact on

too many people we're going to address

649

: 00:35:32

the big myths in ADHD and why they're

affecting our emotions so much.

650

: 00:35:38

Don't forget to come back next

Wednesday for the next episode

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: 00:35:40

of ADHD powerful possibilities.

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: 00:35:43

I'm your friend ADHD

coach Catherine and it.

653

: 00:35:45

is a privilege to be with you every week.

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: 00:35:48

So take care.