ADHD from Adolescence to Adulthood: how to support your teen through school to work or college

Speaker: 00:00:00

Welcome back with my friend

it's ADHD, coach Katherine.

2

: 00:00:03

And this week.

3

: 00:00:04

ADHD Powerful possibilities continues

our look at the journey of ADHD,

4

: 00:00:10

women and girls throughout their life.

5

: 00:00:12

This is useful for everyone.

6

: 00:00:14

But of course.

7

: 00:00:15

Was.

8

: 00:00:16

International women's day.

9

: 00:00:17

I wanted to celebrate some of the

unique challenges that we face.

10

: 00:00:22

So I hope you are enjoying the episodes

and that they are valuable for you.

11

: 00:00:27

If not personally, then they give

you insight into what life is like.

12

: 00:00:31

For 51% of the population.

13

: 00:00:34

I'm going to apologize in

advance from my croakey throat.

14

: 00:00:37

I don't know what is going on

here, but every single one of us

15

: 00:00:41

is sick and it is not going away.

16

: 00:00:44

So thank you for your patience.

17

: 00:00:45

I will do my best to edit out the

coughs sneezes splutters, et cetera.

18

: 00:00:50

And thank you for the continuing

supportive emails, messages, and contacts.

19

: 00:00:57

The reason I make the

podcast is to help you.

20

: 00:01:00

Understand yourself, your ADHD.

21

: 00:01:03

And to share positive strategies.

22

: 00:01:06

And information that you

can trust and rely on.

23

: 00:01:09

And I'm very glad that

it's doing exactly that.

24

: 00:01:12

So let's get into today's focus.

25

: 00:01:14

We are looking at the stage in life.

26

: 00:01:18

From adolescence through,

into early adulthood.

27

: 00:01:21

Let's recap.

28

: 00:01:23

What is ADHD apart from possibly

the worst named neurodevelopmental

29

: 00:01:28

difference in the world?

30

: 00:01:30

Because we have plenty of attention

and not all of us are externally

31

: 00:01:34

or obviously hyperactive.

32

: 00:01:36

ADHD is most obvious in things

like our executive functions.

33

: 00:01:42

Which can include attention, focus.

34

: 00:01:45

Time awareness, planning, working memory,

but also includes your emotions and

35

: 00:01:51

your emotional regulation or management.

36

: 00:01:54

Back in the olden days before

: 2010

37

: 00:02:00

common for people to think.

38

: 00:02:01

ADHD only affected children

and mostly affected boys.

39

: 00:02:06

Who very few young women hardly any older

womenwere diagnosed with ADHD in the UK.

40

: 00:02:12

When people say 'oh you grow out

of ADHD, what they tend to mean is

41

: 00:02:17

either you've developed strategies

and other mechanisms to cope with

42

: 00:02:22

the areas of your brain that are.

43

: 00:02:24

Causing you problems in your youth,.

44

: 00:02:26

Maybe they just mean you read

ADHD no longer inconveniences me.

45

: 00:02:31

And that could be one of the

reasons why until very recently.

46

: 00:02:34

The average age of diagnosis

for women was in their thirties.

47

: 00:02:38

I hope that it's changing.

48

: 00:02:40

There are some specific things we

need to think about when we talk

49

: 00:02:44

about girls and women with ADHD.

50

: 00:02:46

Cultural bias.

51

: 00:02:48

Our social expectations and then

the impact of hormones as well

52

: 00:02:53

on our brain on our development.

53

: 00:02:55

And particularly the section we're looking

at today, which is from adolescence

54

: 00:03:01

puberty through, into young adulthood.

55

: 00:03:03

One of the big challenges that we

face is when we move from a small

56

: 00:03:08

single class into junior high

or secondary school in the UK.

57

: 00:03:13

And it's that move.

58

: 00:03:15

Comes at a time when not only

are you facing physical changes.

59

: 00:03:20

In terms of your hormones

and social changes.

60

: 00:03:24

You're also placing a big

demand neurologically on

61

: 00:03:28

your executive functions.

62

: 00:03:30

Transitioning from

primary or middle school.

63

: 00:03:34

Up into secondary or junior high

is a uniquely challenging time.

64

: 00:03:38

And a person with ADHD is life.

65

: 00:03:41

Especially for younger girls..

66

: 00:03:43

One of the crucial differences

is the increase in workload and

67

: 00:03:47

the requirement to have different

books, different classes, different

68

: 00:03:51

teachers, a different set of students

in the room with you perhaps.

69

: 00:03:55

And from an ADHD point of view.

70

: 00:03:58

This is an incredible leap in

our executive function demand.

71

: 00:04:02

We know, although that ADHD is a

structural and neurochemical difference.

72

: 00:04:08

Your brain is physically different.

73

: 00:04:10

The way we experienced that.

74

: 00:04:13

Is our executive functions.

75

: 00:04:15

And so planning.

76

: 00:04:16

Organizing.

77

: 00:04:18

Working memory.

78

: 00:04:19

As well as things like

emotional regulation.

79

: 00:04:23

Are always executive functions

that are more of them.

80

: 00:04:26

And if you have ADHD, These demands

and increases in expectation,

81

: 00:04:32

may come at a time that is not

developmentally appropriate.

82

: 00:04:36

You may be 12.

83

: 00:04:38

But in your executive

functions, you may be.

84

: 00:04:41

Nine.

85

: 00:04:41

Or eight.

86

: 00:04:42

And if you imagine putting a child of 8

into a secondary school, You wouldn't.

87

: 00:04:48

' cause, you know, they're

not going to cope.

88

: 00:04:50

And so if we can diagnose children

earlier or spot the signs earlier, We

89

: 00:04:56

can build that scaffolding around them.

90

: 00:04:58

And of course the other thing that

happens is the social pressures.

91

: 00:05:02

Ramp up exponentially.

92

: 00:05:05

And when you move from your single simple

classroom, up to junior high or secondary.

93

: 00:05:11

You have all these extra people.

94

: 00:05:13

These unspoken social rules.

95

: 00:05:15

, don't forget there's a high crossover

between autism spectrum and ADHD.

96

: 00:05:21

And some of us struggle with social

unwritten rules and challenges.

97

: 00:05:26

But for ADHD people, especially

ADHD, girls, because their

98

: 00:05:31

peers are maturing very quickly,

socially and our impulsivity.

99

: 00:05:36

our Emotional control.

100

: 00:05:39

And our missing social cues.

101

: 00:05:41

Either because we're not paying attention

or because we've jumped to something else.

102

: 00:05:45

Can all make that gap between us

and our peers appear much larger.

103

: 00:05:51

And it is all tied together with our

expectation for independence and growing

104

: 00:05:56

independence and our young girls and

women want to be independent too.

105

: 00:06:02

Quite often, I've heard

them say things like.

106

: 00:06:05

I should be able to do this at my age,

especially if they're kind of 14 or 15.

107

: 00:06:10

My friends can do this

when they're 16 or 17.

108

: 00:06:14

And that message quickly

becomes one of I'm wrong.

109

: 00:06:17

And.

110

: 00:06:18

Broken.

111

: 00:06:19

I'm just not good enough.

112

: 00:06:21

If we throw the responsibility for

managing your books, managing your

113

: 00:06:26

homework, managing your transport,

managing a exam preparation and so on.

114

: 00:06:32

onto these young people.

115

: 00:06:34

It's no wonder.

116

: 00:06:35

So many of them start to feel

really stressed and unhappy.

117

: 00:06:40

What can we do?

118

: 00:06:41

To support them at this point.

119

: 00:06:43

Self-advocacy.

120

: 00:06:45

One of the most important tools

that you can give a young person.

121

: 00:06:48

And that means being able to

understand what they need.

122

: 00:06:52

And clearly, and simply

explained to adults in the

123

: 00:06:55

room, what they need and why.

124

: 00:06:58

they need to be able to

communicatetheir ADHD needs.

125

: 00:07:02

The need the confidence to be able to see,

can I sit at the front of the class so

126

: 00:07:07

that I am less distracted by other people?

127

: 00:07:10

Can I have an extra week on the essay.

128

: 00:07:14

Although with the essay sometimes I wonder

if an extra week is actually very helpful.

129

: 00:07:19

I mentioned this last week in

an appropriate way, dropping

130

: 00:07:22

into the conversation.

131

: 00:07:24

What they will need.

132

: 00:07:25

Unheard to accommodate their needs.

133

: 00:07:27

We can share language.

134

: 00:07:30

that allows them to

advocate for themselves.

135

: 00:07:32

And we can use that at home.

136

: 00:07:34

Another thing that I've found very

useful personally and with clients is

137

: 00:07:38

thinking about accommodations and support.

138

: 00:07:41

Now, obviously school may require

a diagnosis, a formal diagnosis

139

: 00:07:46

to be able to apply for things

like extra time in exams.

140

: 00:07:50

Using keyboards instead of rating.

141

: 00:07:52

If somebody has dysgraphia.

142

: 00:07:54

And that's more common

than you would think.

143

: 00:07:57

But I'm thinking more about support in

terms of things like timetable management.

144

: 00:08:03

Create a shared calendar.

145

: 00:08:05

That you both have on your phones so that

they feel some control and ownership.

146

: 00:08:12

Over their, time and actions.

147

: 00:08:14

You may need to help set up for them.

148

: 00:08:17

Google calendar or notion

calendar are perfect for this.

149

: 00:08:20

There are no expensive.

150

: 00:08:22

Most people have mobile phones

or computers, children in

151

: 00:08:26

Scotland, all have iPads.

152

: 00:08:27

When you go to secondary school.

153

: 00:08:29

You can install these things

so that they are given.

154

: 00:08:33

A visual.

155

: 00:08:34

reminder of what's coming up for them

and are able to share in how that works.

156

: 00:08:41

You're able to share how you

are planning ahead with them.

157

: 00:08:46

Not for them.

158

: 00:08:47

The other thing that's very helpful

in secondary school is coaching.

159

: 00:08:51

Obviously I would see that.

160

: 00:08:52

I'm an ADHD coach and I'm

working on resources and a group

161

: 00:08:56

for secondary school students.

162

: 00:08:59

In their later years who need help around.

163

: 00:09:02

Planning executive functions

and preparing for the transition

164

: 00:09:05

from school to university.

165

: 00:09:07

but coaching can be done by other pupils.

166

: 00:09:10

You can create a little group.

167

: 00:09:12

There's a fantastic book.

168

: 00:09:14

Called coaching students with.

169

: 00:09:17

Executive skills deficits.

170

: 00:09:19

And I will include a reference

to that in the show notes.

171

: 00:09:22

So you can look it up.

172

: 00:09:23

It's a bit dry.

173

: 00:09:24

It's a bit academic.

174

: 00:09:25

But if you're a teacher who's

interested in setting up.

175

: 00:09:29

An executive function coaching program.

176

: 00:09:32

where pupil support each other.

177

: 00:09:34

I'm very happy to help

talk you through that.

178

: 00:09:37

And that book is one that I would go to.

179

: 00:09:39

And the first instance.

180

: 00:09:40

But why would you use coaching?

181

: 00:09:42

First of all, coaching is a partnership.

182

: 00:09:45

It allows young people to have some agency

and some control in the relationship.

183

: 00:09:50

It's also very practical

and very forward focused.

184

: 00:09:54

And a lot of young people.

185

: 00:09:56

Don't really want to spend time looking

at the past and talking over their

186

: 00:10:00

trauma, which you do in counseling.

187

: 00:10:03

and which is incredibly valuable.

188

: 00:10:05

For some that's necessary.

189

: 00:10:07

But if it's a practical thing,

like feeling organized for school,

190

: 00:10:12

preparing your work, you might find

coaching is more acceptable to them.

191

: 00:10:18

And gets them used to the

idea of using their creative

192

: 00:10:22

thinking their problem solving.

193

: 00:10:24

And using these scaffolding type

tools in a way that works for them.

194

: 00:10:30

At an earlier stage.

195

: 00:10:31

Because not just about your academic

results, it's about your organization,

196

: 00:10:37

your strategy, your planning, and your.

197

: 00:10:40

How you feel about yourself when

you're able to do these things?

198

: 00:10:45

If you go for academic coaching,

make sure the person is trained.

199

: 00:10:50

And qualified to support

a student with ADHD.

200

: 00:10:53

Another thing that's really valuable

for parents to introduce early for

201

: 00:10:57

young people is mindful moments, not a

mindfulness practice per se, because.

202

: 00:11:04

outside of the.

203

: 00:11:05

Context or background at these

mindfulness programs were developed

204

: 00:11:08

and it can be a little bit.

205

: 00:11:10

unsettling to say the least.

206

: 00:11:12

But using a mindful moment to reconnect

and to co-regulate your emotions and your

207

: 00:11:18

physical response is absolutely fine.

208

: 00:11:21

And those are fairly short

breathing exercises, just one or

209

: 00:11:25

two breaths or an observation.

210

: 00:11:28

To distract them from that feeling of

overwhelm and anxiety in the moment.

211

: 00:11:32

I've referenced a few of those before.

212

: 00:11:34

And they will be in the emotional

toolkit, which is out later this week.

213

: 00:11:39

You might also want to spend some

time thinking about time management.

214

: 00:11:43

You might want to look for things

like how to teach this sweep of time.

215

: 00:11:47

And my number one recommendation

is an analog clock at home.

216

: 00:11:52

In class on the wrist.

217

: 00:11:55

Yes.

218

: 00:11:55

You can use a digital watch as well, but

many of them come with analog type faces.

219

: 00:12:00

But understanding how time is passing

and how much time they need to do things.

220

: 00:12:06

Start as early as you can.

221

: 00:12:09

Finally think about how they can build

a supportive network around them.

222

: 00:12:13

It doesn't have to be people at school.

223

: 00:12:15

It can be extra curricular activities.

224

: 00:12:18

And those are going to

change as they get older.

225

: 00:12:22

See if you can sign up

for one or two classes.

226

: 00:12:24

Just so they get a feel of

trying different things.

227

: 00:12:27

And they're able to

discover people like them.

228

: 00:12:31

Look for groups that offer collaboration.

229

: 00:12:34

That gives them space for

creativity for problem-solving.

230

: 00:12:38

And if you have to communicate

with the adults in charge of the

231

: 00:12:42

group about any accommodation

or needs that may be necessary.

232

: 00:12:47

I think we need to have a whole

separate section on exams and ADHD.

233

: 00:12:51

So I will look at that in April.

234

: 00:12:53

But for now.

235

: 00:12:55

What happens when your young person has

successfully navigated secondary school?

236

: 00:12:59

And just thinking about what comes next.

237

: 00:13:02

We think of university and college.

238

: 00:13:04

But then we also go into the work place.

239

: 00:13:06

They may take.

240

: 00:13:07

An apprenticeship.

241

: 00:13:09

And if that's the case.

242

: 00:13:11

We're going to look at

each of those options here.

243

: 00:13:14

Thinking about college and university.

244

: 00:13:16

The biggest difference is

the amount of self-management

245

: 00:13:19

that they are required to do.

246

: 00:13:21

If things were challenging when

they went from junior high.

247

: 00:13:25

Into high school.

248

: 00:13:26

It's going to be even more

demanding in university.

249

: 00:13:30

You are required to plan papers

that could last for a whole

250

: 00:13:34

semester if it's a dissertation.

251

: 00:13:37

You may have a whole year to plan for it.

252

: 00:13:39

How can you sustain that

interest for the whole year?

253

: 00:13:43

Quite often, I meet students who are.

254

: 00:13:46

Cramming things in at the very last

minute, because they had six months

255

: 00:13:49

to write the paper and six months is.

256

: 00:13:52

Do you know, An eternity.

257

: 00:13:54

Until it is definitely not.

258

: 00:13:56

And of course in college and

university, the academic demands change.

259

: 00:14:00

Perhaps it's less about the right and

wrong answers and more about flexible

260

: 00:14:05

thinking, creative problem solving.

261

: 00:14:08

Being able to build an argument

with a variety of sources.

262

: 00:14:12

And for lots of young people,

that's quite a change from how they

263

: 00:14:17

studied in secondary or high school.

264

: 00:14:20

They might also struggle

showing up for lectures.

265

: 00:14:23

If lectures are 45 minutes to an

hour of sitting down and listening

266

: 00:14:27

to somebody talk and present.

267

: 00:14:29

at the front of the class,

they could be tempted.

268

: 00:14:32

To type their notes.

269

: 00:14:34

While they're listening.

270

: 00:14:35

in fact, many studies show that the

most effective way to understand.

271

: 00:14:40

I lecture is to handwrite

particular words.

272

: 00:14:44

And one of the things I would

offer is record the lecture.

273

: 00:14:48

use a n audio recorder.

274

: 00:14:50

But make notes yourself by

hand, even if your handwriting's

275

: 00:14:55

terrible, it doesn't matter.

276

: 00:14:56

But you need to be able to engage

with the material and typing.

277

: 00:15:00

Just doesn't do that.

278

: 00:15:01

And there's also the social and emotional

aspects of moving away from home.

279

: 00:15:05

And we do have to talk about the

significant risk that comes from young

280

: 00:15:10

people being unsupported and maybe living

a few hundred miles away from home.

281

: 00:15:15

But these young people have

got to meet new friendships.

282

: 00:15:17

There may be sharing a flat with

somebody who isn't a member of

283

: 00:15:20

their family for the first time.

284

: 00:15:22

They're also having to plan

what they're going to eat.

285

: 00:15:25

Keep on top with a laundry.

286

: 00:15:27

Make sure that their bills are up to date.

287

: 00:15:29

So college and university is

both fantastic in many ways.

288

: 00:15:34

And I would never discourage

somebody from doing it.

289

: 00:15:37

But it's a demand.

290

: 00:15:38

And it's again, a place where

that gap between, an 18 year old

291

: 00:15:43

without ADHD and an 18 year old.

292

: 00:15:46

Who has some executive

functions around 14 or 15?

293

: 00:15:50

That's a big difference.

294

: 00:15:53

What can you do if your young

person is going off to university,

295

: 00:15:56

especially if your girls going off.

296

: 00:15:58

First of all, if you don't

have a diagnosis before you

297

: 00:16:01

go, please try to get one.

298

: 00:16:02

Before you go, because that means

you're able to access the official

299

: 00:16:07

university support services.

300

: 00:16:09

They generally want you to

have a written diagnosis.

301

: 00:16:13

And many universities now,

have a disability support team.

302

: 00:16:16

They might not offer exactly

what your young person needs.

303

: 00:16:21

But at least it's it's something.

304

: 00:16:24

they can offer valuable

services like note taking.

305

: 00:16:27

they can give you extra time for exams.

306

: 00:16:30

Some of them even have academic coaching.

307

: 00:16:33

Which really makes a difference

when you're dealing with these

308

: 00:16:36

extended essay deadlines.

309

: 00:16:38

The next thing you can do is make

sure that your young person can

310

: 00:16:42

develop a structured routine.

311

: 00:16:44

Try to set up before they leave home.

312

: 00:16:47

Help them explore what helps

them to get up in the morning.

313

: 00:16:51

I would be lost without my daylight

lamp, because that's the only way

314

: 00:16:55

I can get up from most of the year.

315

: 00:16:57

do they need to have a very

simple wardrobe of two or three

316

: 00:17:01

outfits that this simply rotate?

317

: 00:17:04

How simple can they make their

day-to-day life so that their

318

: 00:17:07

decision paralysis is reduced.

319

: 00:17:10

Help them to discover what kind of system

works for them, or they're very visual.

320

: 00:17:15

Do they need things that are

going to come up and ping on

321

: 00:17:18

their watch on their remainder?

322

: 00:17:20

Helps them to discover

that before they leave.

323

: 00:17:23

And now, actually is a great

time to start doing that.

324

: 00:17:26

Again, Find out if there are

groups at the university that they

325

: 00:17:30

can join for other young people,

with ADHD who are neurodivergent.

326

: 00:17:34

I can meet and share their

experience of the challenges.

327

: 00:17:39

Other people just won't get or understand.

328

: 00:17:41

Make sure they understand

the importance of self care.

329

: 00:17:45

And that it's not an indulgence.

330

: 00:17:47

The more they can stick to.

331

: 00:17:49

Sensible routine.

332

: 00:17:51

That they can incorporate Dr.

333

: 00:17:52

Nadeau's MENDSS you know,

Mindfulness exercise.

334

: 00:17:57

Nature diet, sleep and social connection.

335

: 00:18:01

If they can incorporate that.

336

: 00:18:03

And understand that this

is a non-negotiable.

337

: 00:18:06

They're going to find it much

easier to manage some of the

338

: 00:18:09

extra challenges that come along.

339

: 00:18:11

But what if your young person decided

going to call into the world of work?

340

: 00:18:15

And I think this is fantastic.

341

: 00:18:17

I will be honest.

342

: 00:18:18

When I taught a university.

343

: 00:18:20

I could tell the difference

between students who had taken

344

: 00:18:24

a year or two out from school.

345

: 00:18:26

And then come to study and those

who came straight from school.

346

: 00:18:31

And obviously each person's different.

347

: 00:18:34

But, if your young person is struggling

a little bit with issues around

348

: 00:18:38

executive function and planning a

gap, isn't going to do any harm.

349

: 00:18:42

So try to take the pressure off yourself

and offer them to go straight from

350

: 00:18:46

school, into education, higher education.

351

: 00:18:49

And if they want to work.

352

: 00:18:51

That is fantastic.

353

: 00:18:53

They might be able to go into an

apprenticeship program where they

354

: 00:18:57

will have more support and the

expectations will be adjusted.

355

: 00:19:01

But if they're not, and they're going

straight into a junior position.

356

: 00:19:04

Or maybe given the numbers of people

with ADHD who are entrepreneurs, they

357

: 00:19:10

want to set up their own business.

358

: 00:19:12

How does that work with ADHD?

359

: 00:19:15

First of all.

360

: 00:19:16

Understanding what type of

career is going to work for them.

361

: 00:19:20

Think about their strengths and

do the via character strengths

362

: 00:19:24

assessment, which is free.

363

: 00:19:25

And I will include a link

to that in the show notes.

364

: 00:19:28

But your via character strengths

test is really important.

365

: 00:19:32

For them to understand what matters.

366

: 00:19:35

What the they bring to a role,

not just what they can do.

367

: 00:19:38

Who they are.

368

: 00:19:39

One of the big problems.

369

: 00:19:41

Young people with ADHD face is

finding the right type of career.

370

: 00:19:45

Using a career path planner may

ignore their individual strengths and

371

: 00:19:52

focus on what they're interested in.

372

: 00:19:55

And as we know, people with ADHD have

many interests that change quite often.

373

: 00:20:01

And they might also have problems

with task management and consistency.

374

: 00:20:05

They're going to be different

expectations around.

375

: 00:20:08

What a young person brings

to the workplace depending

376

: 00:20:11

on the type of business.

377

: 00:20:13

Is it a family 'mom and pop' type store.

378

: 00:20:16

Is it an apprenticeship program where

they're used to lots of young people.

379

: 00:20:20

With different levels of organization.

380

: 00:20:23

Is it a big multinational find out

what their expectations are for

381

: 00:20:28

things like punctuality, consistency.

382

: 00:20:31

Personal presentation organization.

383

: 00:20:34

If a young person is applying

somewhere, finding it that.

384

: 00:20:37

And discussing it with them

beforehand is really useful.

385

: 00:20:40

They may not want to

disclose that they have ADHD.

386

: 00:20:44

There's so much negativity in the popular

press, is it any wonder they don't

387

: 00:20:48

want to disclose that they have ADHD.

388

: 00:20:51

But if they don't.

389

: 00:20:53

When they try to apply for

accommodation or support.

390

: 00:20:57

That employer may.

391

: 00:20:58

Wonder why they didn't

mention it beforehand.

392

: 00:21:01

Have that conversation with them.

393

: 00:21:03

Are they open?

394

: 00:21:05

Are they able to let people

know that they have ADHD?

395

: 00:21:08

And they might also need to think

about how they manage their particular

396

: 00:21:12

ADHD traits, how they show up.

397

: 00:21:15

If you're in a very stressful

and pressured workplace

398

: 00:21:17

environment on the one hand.

399

: 00:21:19

It can keep your interest high for longer.

400

: 00:21:22

But it can also lead to much

more stress, longer term.

401

: 00:21:26

What can we do?

402

: 00:21:27

There are specific ADHD,

career planning and assessment.

403

: 00:21:31

Tools and I have access to one.

404

: 00:21:34

But it's how do you fit that

young person to their job?

405

: 00:21:38

Give them plenty of time

and takes the pressure off.

406

: 00:21:41

We are way past the days when

you had a job for life and you

407

: 00:21:45

started and you were stuck with it.

408

: 00:21:47

Look globally, what are their skills?

409

: 00:21:50

What are their strengths?

410

: 00:21:52

How do they prefer to work?

411

: 00:21:53

Do they like to be self

organized and self-motivated.

412

: 00:21:58

What do they need to be in a team?

413

: 00:22:00

Think about things that might

travel with ADHD, like dysgraphia.

414

: 00:22:04

Dyslexia dyscalculia.

415

: 00:22:06

All of those need to

be taken into account.

416

: 00:22:09

But you've got time to do that, especially

if you start when they're 15 or 16.

417

: 00:22:14

Have a think about what workplace

accommodations are available and

418

: 00:22:18

what would actually be useful.

419

: 00:22:20

There's no point giving somebody who

needs music to focus and feel good.

420

: 00:22:26

A pair of noise, canceling headphones.

421

: 00:22:28

So make sure that there's

flexibility around what's available.

422

: 00:22:32

Checkout.

423

: 00:22:33

How they feel around flexible scheduling.

424

: 00:22:36

Is it okay if you work from home.

425

: 00:22:38

Are there teams that you can join to

work together so that your body doubling.

426

: 00:22:43

And working on a similar task.

427

: 00:22:45

Think about what skills do they

need to put into their tool bag

428

: 00:22:49

to go out into the world of work?

429

: 00:22:51

Do they need to work on

their time management?

430

: 00:22:54

How do they appear to

be engaged with people?

431

: 00:22:57

And it's possible to build

skills for all of these.

432

: 00:23:00

So going into the

workplace with ADHD can be.

433

: 00:23:04

Exactly what a young person needs.

434

: 00:23:05

If they have found the academic world.

435

: 00:23:07

Unfulfilling and not very

exciting and it's been stressful

436

: 00:23:11

for them and they can go back.

437

: 00:23:14

And the study at college or university

in their twenties, thirties, and forties.

438

: 00:23:18

Before we move on.

439

: 00:23:20

one of the most crucial.

440

: 00:23:22

Elements of growing up.

441

: 00:23:24

Whether you have ADHD or not.

442

: 00:23:25

Especially for girls and

young women with ADHD.

443

: 00:23:28

Is the change in friendships

and relationships.

444

: 00:23:32

These are some of the most formative

years in terms of our social connections.

445

: 00:23:38

But we also know that young people,

especially young girls with ADHD

446

: 00:23:43

feel particularly isolated socially.

447

: 00:23:46

And when you add in the.

448

: 00:23:48

Complicating role of

hormones and relationships.

449

: 00:23:52

As we move from just being friends

with somebody to having romantic

450

: 00:23:56

or sexual feelings towards them.

451

: 00:23:58

Those, added with ADHD.

452

: 00:24:01

We need to spend a bit of time looking at

what happens and how can we support them.

453

: 00:24:07

What are the biggest challenges

your young girl or teenager?

454

: 00:24:11

With ADHD is likely to experience.

455

: 00:24:14

In brackets, whenever I say this.

456

: 00:24:16

Of course, I mean, Boys

and young men as well.

457

: 00:24:19

But especially for girls.

458

: 00:24:21

What are the biggest challenges

they're going to face?

459

: 00:24:24

One is impulsivity.

460

: 00:24:26

We are often unable to put a zip in it.

461

: 00:24:31

Before the words, pop out.

462

: 00:24:33

Before we take the action.

463

: 00:24:35

Before we commit to something,

we maybe shouldn't..

464

: 00:24:38

People might think we are inconsiderate.

465

: 00:24:40

They might think we are unpredictable.

466

: 00:24:43

We might struggle with some social cues.

467

: 00:24:46

There's debate around

what causes a social cue.

468

: 00:24:50

Problems with ADHD.

469

: 00:24:52

It's most likely to be a combination of.

470

: 00:24:56

Not paying attention.

471

: 00:24:57

And misreading things that

black and white thinking.

472

: 00:25:01

As well as just being somewhere

else, we're already five steps

473

: 00:25:06

ahead in the conversation.

474

: 00:25:07

Or we've noticed a squirrel or a cute

dog on the other side of the road.

475

: 00:25:12

So we miss the tiny glance and with

humans it is that tiny millisecond

476

: 00:25:18

glance that tells you, is this

person taking the Mickey out of me?

477

: 00:25:22

Or do they mean it?

478

: 00:25:23

And one of the other major

challenges for people with ADHD.

479

: 00:25:27

Is the intensity.

480

: 00:25:29

of our emotions

481

: 00:25:30

I've spoken to many people with ADHD who

have incredibly intense feelings for other

482

: 00:25:36

people and who are almost incapacitated.

483

: 00:25:40

by.

484

: 00:25:41

Their obsession with this

new person in their life.

485

: 00:25:44

It becomes all consuming.

486

: 00:25:46

Although there are blogs about

limerence and this special quality

487

: 00:25:51

that we sometimes give to people.

488

: 00:25:53

I do think some of it.

489

: 00:25:54

Is to do is to do with

our ADHD neurochemistry.

490

: 00:25:58

But on the other side of that, we might

often isolate ourselves because we

491

: 00:26:04

are so sensitive about being rejected.

492

: 00:26:07

And.

493

: 00:26:08

whether RSD is a separate

diagnosis or not.

494

: 00:26:12

The intensity of the.

495

: 00:26:14

rejection.

496

: 00:26:15

And that was, that makes us feel.

497

: 00:26:17

It's very real for people with ADHD.

498

: 00:26:20

And it all comes under the

umbrella of emotional regulation,

499

: 00:26:24

which is an executive function.

500

: 00:26:26

So what can we do to support

young girls brackets, everyone

501

: 00:26:31

included, especially young boys.

502

: 00:26:33

As we go forward through teens,

into late teens, into twenties.

503

: 00:26:38

I think about your own language.

504

: 00:26:40

What kind of communication.

505

: 00:26:43

Are you using a home?

506

: 00:26:45

I am a huge fan of declarative language.

507

: 00:26:48

It's the difference between saying

to somebody pick up that shoe?

508

: 00:26:53

And I notice your shoes

are on the floor again.

509

: 00:26:56

That's it.

510

: 00:26:57

You just need to wait.

511

: 00:26:59

And if they look to you

for guidance, you say.

512

: 00:27:01

Hmm.

513

: 00:27:02

I wonder where those shoes.

514

: 00:27:03

would be better placed.

515

: 00:27:05

Or.

516

: 00:27:05

I wonder if it would be easier

to find them in the morning.

517

: 00:27:09

If there were somewhere else.

518

: 00:27:10

Where could that be?

519

: 00:27:11

That's so different from pick up

your shoes or put your shoes away.

520

: 00:27:15

And one of the differences.

521

: 00:27:17

That declarative language

encourages is allowing the young

522

: 00:27:21

person to develop their own.

523

: 00:27:24

Thinking their own creative solutions.

524

: 00:27:27

For problems that come

up in everyday life.

525

: 00:27:30

It's a very good way to articulate.

526

: 00:27:32

Your own thoughts.

527

: 00:27:34

And allows them to practice articulating

their thoughts and feelings.

528

: 00:27:38

The other bonus.

529

: 00:27:40

Is that it can improve our

flexibility in terms of getting

530

: 00:27:45

used to things, not being right.

531

: 00:27:47

Making mistakes, not being

certain of the answer.

532

: 00:27:51

The next thing to think about is

understanding to social needs of

533

: 00:27:54

young people, young girls with ADHD.

534

: 00:27:57

Are thee.

535

: 00:27:58

Real fans of face-to-face

high energy intensity.

536

: 00:28:04

Activities and friendships.

537

: 00:28:06

Are they more introverted?

538

: 00:28:08

And there's no right or wrong here.

539

: 00:28:09

Just what we need as people.

540

: 00:28:11

And then thinking about how does ADHD

affect what we need and what we can offer.

541

: 00:28:18

To other people and our relationships.

542

: 00:28:20

And I think this is particularly

relevant for young girls going

543

: 00:28:24

into relationships, they need to

have a very clear idea of what is

544

: 00:28:28

unacceptable, supportive, and respectful.

545

: 00:28:33

Relationship.

546

: 00:28:34

How can you let them know that.

547

: 00:28:36

Whatever happens.

548

: 00:28:38

You are.

549

: 00:28:39

100%.

550

: 00:28:41

their safe place.

551

: 00:28:42

Where they can come to and where

you will manage your own emotions

552

: 00:28:47

to support them in the moment.

553

: 00:28:49

Can you help them practice

to set boundaries?

554

: 00:28:51

I mentioned it briefly before.

555

: 00:28:53

Can you set healthy boundaries?

556

: 00:28:55

For yourself for them at home first.

557

: 00:28:59

.

What language do we need?

558

: 00:29:00

To have access to for

setting those boundaries.

559

: 00:29:04

And how can we help them to identify

what is a healthy and supportive

560

: 00:29:08

friendship or relationship and what isn't.

561

: 00:29:11

We want them to find people who

are understanding who are patient.

562

: 00:29:15

Make sure they recognize the red flags

things like a lack of boundaries.

563

: 00:29:21

A lack of respect for the

boundaries that they've set.

564

: 00:29:24

Dismissive attitudes towards ADHD or

anything else that they're experiencing.

565

: 00:29:29

And especially for manipulative behavior.

566

: 00:29:33

What are the signs that they can look for?

567

: 00:29:35

You might find that watching

some documentaries on things

568

: 00:29:39

like the Tinder swindler and.

569

: 00:29:41

All these other wonderful documentaries

that talk about relationships and.

570

: 00:29:45

Help them to recognize the

hallmarks of manipulation.

571

: 00:29:50

And disrespect are great ways

to open up that conversation.

572

: 00:29:55

So to sum up this gigantic leap.

573

: 00:29:58

through teens to early twenties.

574

: 00:30:01

What are the main things?

575

: 00:30:02

Your teens, especially your

teen girls are gonna need.

576

: 00:30:06

They're going to need a

supportive network at home.

577

: 00:30:09

They need to know how to use things like

technology in a way that supports them.

578

: 00:30:13

Rather than dominates them.

579

: 00:30:15

Thinking about how can we help

them have a growth mindset?

580

: 00:30:20

This is one of those cliches, but.

581

: 00:30:22

Demonstrating to them

that it's okay to learn.

582

: 00:30:25

All the time that it's

okay to make mistakes.

583

: 00:30:27

It's okay.

584

: 00:30:28

Not to know all the answers.

585

: 00:30:30

And that we're all growing and learning.

586

: 00:30:33

And developing through our whole life.

587

: 00:30:36

And modeling that home early own.

588

: 00:30:38

Is really valuable.

589

: 00:30:40

Parents.

590

: 00:30:41

You are facing Really

difficult job at the moment.

591

: 00:30:45

What can you do?

592

: 00:30:46

Focus on your own self regulation.

593

: 00:30:49

Make sure your emotional needs are met.

594

: 00:30:52

And that you are making

time to look after yourself.

595

: 00:30:55

But most importantly,

how are you modeling?

596

: 00:30:58

A good life for them.

597

: 00:31:00

Are you talking through

how you organize yourself?

598

: 00:31:03

Just so they know the

adults need to do this to.

599

: 00:31:06

Are you talking about other people and

other challenges in a positive way.

600

: 00:31:11

Modeling a positive regard for other

people who try, can help them to recognize

601

: 00:31:17

that even if things don't go right.

602

: 00:31:19

You're still going to see how hard.

603

: 00:31:21

They have tried.

604

: 00:31:22

And value it.

605

: 00:31:23

Although this can be a challenging

stage in life for any of us.

606

: 00:31:28

With ADHD, we have to take into account

the executive function challenges.

607

: 00:31:33

The emotional impact and

especially for girls.

608

: 00:31:36

Rule of estrogen and hormones

as they travel from their

609

: 00:31:39

early teens to inter twenties.

610

: 00:31:41

I hope this has given you

an overview of each stage.

611

: 00:31:46

And what might crop up depending

on where the young person you knew

612

: 00:31:51

is in terms of their age and stage.

613

: 00:31:54

But most importantly, I hope it's

given you some really practical ideas.

614

: 00:31:59

For how you can support yourself and them.

615

: 00:32:01

As they go into the next

stage of their life with ADHD.

616

: 00:32:05

Next week, we're going to be

looking at the next stage.

617

: 00:32:09

Some of us go through, which

is when we become parents.

618

: 00:32:12

And how that can affect our lives

with ADHD and what we can do to make

619

: 00:32:17

it easier for everybody involved.

620

: 00:32:20

ADHD coach, Katherine, and

this is powerful possibilities.

621

: 00:32:24

I'm so grateful for you

spending time with me today.

622

: 00:32:27

You can get in touch with me by

email or through my social media.

623

: 00:32:31

All of the links are in

the show notes below.

624

: 00:32:33

I love hearing from you.

625

: 00:32:35

If this is helpful, please let me know.

626

: 00:32:37

or if you.

627

: 00:32:38

know somebody who is facing

this challenging stage, shall we

628

: 00:32:42

say, please share it with them.

629

: 00:32:44

Until next week.

630

: 00:32:46

Take care of yourself

and remember to think.

631

: 00:32:49

What's possible.