Create Your ADHD Emotional Toolkit

Speaker: 00:00:00

What's up my friend.

2

: 00:00:01

It is your host ADHD coach Catherine,

welcoming you back to ADHD.

3

: 00:00:06

Powerful possibilities.

4

: 00:00:08

This week, we are going to be

exploring the emotional toolkit.

5

: 00:00:12

This is going to bring together

all the things we've been talking

6

: 00:00:15

about from emotional dysregulation.

7

: 00:00:18

To positive emotions too.

8

: 00:00:20

The impact of chronic stress

on our bodies and remains.

9

: 00:00:24

We're going to bring it all together.

10

: 00:00:26

I'm going to share something

really powerful from Dr.

11

: 00:00:29

Kathleen Nadeau, and we

are going to bring it.

12

: 00:00:32

Down to what you need to

manage your life right now.

13

: 00:00:36

I want to share something with you.

14

: 00:00:38

There's a fantastic ADHD

coach called Roger Dewitt.

15

: 00:00:41

He is so funny.

16

: 00:00:43

So clever.

17

: 00:00:44

So insightful.

18

: 00:00:45

And he has a coaching truth.

19

: 00:00:47

He says.

20

: 00:00:48

We don't live in the world as it is.

21

: 00:00:51

We live in the world of our thinking.

22

: 00:00:54

I would actually take that a bit

further and say, we live in the world.

23

: 00:00:59

Of our feeling.

24

: 00:01:01

That creates our thoughts.

25

: 00:01:03

The emotion can lead to our thoughts.

26

: 00:01:05

If we don't address our emotions,

if we're trying to ignore them and

27

: 00:01:11

we're just focusing on our thoughts.

28

: 00:01:13

Then it's sometimes harder to

change what we're thinking.

29

: 00:01:18

Because our feeling, our body is saying

I've got this big panicky feeling

30

: 00:01:23

something really dangerous is happening.

31

: 00:01:26

And if that's going on, your

body is going to think thoughts

32

: 00:01:30

that are connected to danger.

33

: 00:01:32

To bad things.

34

: 00:01:33

And so.

35

: 00:01:34

I love Rogers, quote.

36

: 00:01:37

And I would say let's take it further.

37

: 00:01:39

And include the world

of our emotions as well.

38

: 00:01:43

Because until we addressed that.

39

: 00:01:47

The world of our thoughts

is going to keep us.

40

: 00:01:50

Trying to understand why we

are experiencing this emotional

41

: 00:01:54

sensation in our body.

42

: 00:01:56

And again, go back a few episodes

to the one where I talk about.

43

: 00:01:59

The science of an emotion.

44

: 00:02:01

And what's actually happening

when you experience it.

45

: 00:02:05

The last four episodes have all been about

exploring the impact of emotions on ADHD.

46

: 00:02:11

And vice-versa.

47

: 00:02:13

So we began by talking about

what emotional dysregulation is.

48

: 00:02:16

We also explore the neuroscience.

49

: 00:02:18

Of emotions.

50

: 00:02:19

What happens when we feel an emotion?

51

: 00:02:22

Where does that come from?

52

: 00:02:23

And if you want to go back and go deep

into all of this head back to the episode

53

: 00:02:27

from the start of February 20, 24.

54

: 00:02:31

We talked a bit about things like

emotional intelligence, which

55

: 00:02:34

I'll discuss a bit more just now.

56

: 00:02:36

And then we looked at the

power of positive emotion.

57

: 00:02:39

Because on the one hand, we talk

a lot about stress and feeling

58

: 00:02:42

stressed and chronic stresses,

undoubtedly bad for everybody.

59

: 00:02:47

But the impact of positive

emotion is something that we don't

60

: 00:02:51

spend enough time looking at.

61

: 00:02:52

We want to feel better.

62

: 00:02:54

So that's what this episode is all about.

63

: 00:02:57

How to help you feel better.

64

: 00:02:59

And bringing the tools together that

are accessible for you right now.

65

: 00:03:04

None of this is off-limits.

66

: 00:03:06

It's not being gate.

67

: 00:03:08

kept to gatekeeper.

68

: 00:03:09

However you pronounce it.

69

: 00:03:11

There's no barrier.

70

: 00:03:12

You choose one.

71

: 00:03:14

And get started.

72

: 00:03:15

My only request is that

you share this episode.

73

: 00:03:18

That you save it for when you need

to come back, download the toolkit.

74

: 00:03:22

It's going to be released

in a couple of days.

75

: 00:03:25

And make sure you're

only choosing one thing.

76

: 00:03:28

At a time to get started with, because

I know the temptation is to dive in.

77

: 00:03:33

And try and transform your life.

78

: 00:03:35

And then, oh my goodness.

79

: 00:03:36

This is a bit overwhelming.

80

: 00:03:38

So pick one thing.

81

: 00:03:40

From the tool kit, and then you can let me

know how you get on in a couple of weeks.

82

: 00:03:45

Let's quickly cover what's happening

with emotional dysregulation.

83

: 00:03:50

We are generally experiencing what

used to be called amygdala hijack.

84

: 00:03:54

That term is no longer, very popular.

85

: 00:03:57

But basically our amygdala is a gatekeeper

to our brain and it experiences something

86

: 00:04:02

in our external or internal environment.

87

: 00:04:05

And it says, well, There's something

we need to respond to here.

88

: 00:04:10

So you have a fight flight

freeze or fawn response.

89

: 00:04:14

Which raises your cortisol.

90

: 00:04:16

Raise your adrenaline gets

you ready to take action.

91

: 00:04:19

And when that happens, you

generally find that your emotions.

92

: 00:04:24

Are going to come forward and

your logical brain that says..

93

: 00:04:28

I can safely ignore this.

94

: 00:04:29

Is that.

95

: 00:04:30

Part of your brain steps back because

your emotions and your amygdala.

96

: 00:04:35

are.

97

: 00:04:35

Intimately.

98

: 00:04:36

Connected and they're very, very active.

99

: 00:04:39

There was some evidence that says

people with ADHD have more reactive.

100

: 00:04:44

Amygdalas and more

reactive, nervous systems.

101

: 00:04:46

This could be a learned response.

102

: 00:04:48

It may be something that's inherent in

our different biology, in our neurology

103

: 00:04:54

something that is ingrained by the way.

104

: 00:04:56

People respond to us and the

way we respond to the world.

105

: 00:05:00

So when you were feeling

overwhelmed and your emotions are.

106

: 00:05:04

out of all proportion to what you

need them to be in this situation.

107

: 00:05:08

You're amygdala's doing

its best to keep you safe.

108

: 00:05:11

That's what the response is about.

109

: 00:05:14

And all you can do.

110

: 00:05:16

Is grab these tools, implement

them slowly, one by one.

111

: 00:05:21

Your emotional toolkit is not

about suppressing your emotions.

112

: 00:05:26

It's not about trying to be

neuro-typical it's about feeling

113

: 00:05:30

better for your own sake.

114

: 00:05:33

The very first thing we have to do when

we're thinking about emotional toolkits.

115

: 00:05:38

Is to practice self awareness.

116

: 00:05:40

Quite often.

117

: 00:05:41

We experienced some physically.

118

: 00:05:44

And if we were maybe told that our

emotions weren't safe to experience.

119

: 00:05:49

For whatever reason.

120

: 00:05:50

We hang on to them in the form of

clenched jaws, tight shoulders,

121

: 00:05:56

churning, stomachs, sweaty, palms,

and tense neck, aches and pains.

122

: 00:06:02

If you're experiencing that kind of thing.

123

: 00:06:05

Check-in and see, is this an emotion?

124

: 00:06:07

What am I feeling?

125

: 00:06:09

You might find, and I know

this is difficult for some

126

: 00:06:13

people with autistic spectrum.

127

: 00:06:15

And there's a research from Dr.

128

: 00:06:17

Megan Neff who talks about emotional

awareness and things as well,

129

: 00:06:22

which I will put a link to in

the show notes - shout out to Dr.

130

: 00:06:25

Megan Neff.

131

: 00:06:26

You might want to develop a vocabulary.

132

: 00:06:30

A list of words about

what are you feeling?

133

: 00:06:33

because angry and sad.

134

: 00:06:36

I really broad brushes.

135

: 00:06:38

And we might feel.

136

: 00:06:41

Indignant.

137

: 00:06:42

We might feel frustrated.

138

: 00:06:44

We might feel really hurt.

139

: 00:06:47

Emotionally hurt and

all of those can come.

140

: 00:06:51

Can come under the broad

brush of anger, right?

141

: 00:06:55

So spend a bit of time thinking about.

142

: 00:06:58

What am I feeling?

143

: 00:06:59

Can I be more specific than

big words, like angry and sad.

144

: 00:07:04

And.

145

: 00:07:04

And I'll include that

link in the show notes.

146

: 00:07:07

So that's your first step.

147

: 00:07:09

Make a note, What am I feeling?

148

: 00:07:11

How does it show up in my body?

149

: 00:07:13

And what's it telling

me, what's the message.

150

: 00:07:16

So tool number one is write down.

151

: 00:07:19

When you're experiencing an

emotion and give it a name.

152

: 00:07:22

Because.

153

: 00:07:24

If we don't practice being aware

of our emotions, we're not going

154

: 00:07:28

to know what to do with them.

155

: 00:07:29

And it might be that writing

isn't your strength so you might

156

: 00:07:33

want to try making voice notes.

157

: 00:07:36

There are apps that transcribe it.

158

: 00:07:37

It's one of the reasons

I use slack sometimes.

159

: 00:07:40

But there are other ways to do that.

160

: 00:07:43

Once you've started to become more aware

of your emotions and what's going on.

161

: 00:07:48

How can you explore that further?

162

: 00:07:51

The first thing I'm going to share is

the emotional intelligence framework.

163

: 00:07:56

And if you want to read about it,

go get the book by Daniel Goleman.

164

: 00:07:59

And emotional intelligence gives you

the tools to recognize, understand.

165

: 00:08:04

Manage and use our emotions.

166

: 00:08:07

But in a positive way.

167

: 00:08:09

So that we can learn

to relieve our stress.

168

: 00:08:11

We can undo conflict.

169

: 00:08:13

We can communicate more

effectively empathise with other

170

: 00:08:16

people, but with a boundary.

171

: 00:08:18

So we're not getting flooded.

172

: 00:08:20

And because we have

ADHD, we're more likely.

173

: 00:08:23

To experience emotional

dysregulation impulsivity.

174

: 00:08:27

And that sense of rejection

sometimes in our social interactions.

175

: 00:08:32

So emotional intelligence

builds up all of these areas.

176

: 00:08:35

We might need a bit of extra support.

177

: 00:08:38

And so when I talked about becoming

aware of your emotions, one of

178

: 00:08:42

the key elements of emotional

intelligence is becoming self aware.

179

: 00:08:46

And you might want to say,

okay, I'm aware of my emotions.

180

: 00:08:51

And then the next step is to think,

okay, how's my ADHD affecting this..

181

: 00:08:56

Is my reaction.

182

: 00:08:58

Affected by my impulsivity is

affected by my challenges around

183

: 00:09:03

time and forward planning.

184

: 00:09:05

Is it connected to my social

skills or the sense of rejection.

185

: 00:09:10

I sometimes experience when

other people don't get me or I

186

: 00:09:13

feel that I'm being excluded.

187

: 00:09:15

These are all connected with ADHD.

188

: 00:09:18

And the reason that's important is

because it helps you to take a step away.

189

: 00:09:23

From that overwhelming emotion.

190

: 00:09:25

I say, oh, okay.

191

: 00:09:27

Clue.

192

: 00:09:28

This is an ADHD trait.

193

: 00:09:30

And I'm feeling it in my body and my

heart, whatever you feel, your emotions.

194

: 00:09:35

The second aspect of emotional

intelligence is really helpful.

195

: 00:09:39

Is.

196

: 00:09:39

Self regulation.

197

: 00:09:41

Now -. Big broad brush.

198

: 00:09:44

And obviously we can

drill down into this more.

199

: 00:09:46

Basically, this is about managing our

reactions and turning them into responses.

200

: 00:09:53

Very often we dive in it's

that impulsivity again.

201

: 00:09:57

The diving in there, the reacting

can often get us into hot

202

: 00:10:02

water or difficult situations.

203

: 00:10:05

So in emotional intelligence.

204

: 00:10:07

We think about.

205

: 00:10:08

Adding a pause.

206

: 00:10:09

How can we create a pause button and

I've got pause resources on my website.

207

: 00:10:14

How can we learn to respond when

we're feeling frustrated and angry?

208

: 00:10:18

Listen, nobody's going to get it right.

209

: 00:10:20

100% of the time.

210

: 00:10:22

But there are ways.

211

: 00:10:24

To recognize that feeling.

212

: 00:10:26

Give it a name I'm feeling frustrated.

213

: 00:10:29

Normally when I feel frustrated I would

go buy a brownie or a coffee, or I would

214

: 00:10:35

shout at somebody whatever your reaction

normally is that doesn't serve you.

215

: 00:10:41

Think about what am I going to do instead,

but we can't do that unless we pause.

216

: 00:10:46

And identify that emotion first.

217

: 00:10:48

Then we need to add.

218

: 00:10:50

better coping strategies that

are in line with our situation.

219

: 00:10:55

Our longterm vision.

220

: 00:10:57

Our goals for ourself and also.

221

: 00:11:00

What we need in that moment.

222

: 00:11:02

So things like adding a pause

button and then having a go-to.

223

: 00:11:07

Tool and a few episodes back.

224

: 00:11:09

I mentioned something called

the birthday cake breath where

225

: 00:11:13

you breathe into your nose.

226

: 00:11:15

Like you're inhaling the scent

of a lovely cake from the oven.

227

: 00:11:18

I'm doing an inhale for you,

and then you breathe out.

228

: 00:11:20

Because you're blowing out

your birthday cake candles.

229

: 00:11:23

And that kind of in the moment tool,

is connected to mindfulness, but it's

230

: 00:11:29

short swift and easy to hang on to.

231

: 00:11:33

When you feel that.

232

: 00:11:34

'grrrruuuugh', and your jaw is

gritted and, you know, you're

233

: 00:11:37

feeling all the frustration.

234

: 00:11:39

So.

235

: 00:11:40

we've got Self-awareness.

236

: 00:11:42

We've got self-regulation.

237

: 00:11:43

And then we move on to motivation.

238

: 00:11:46

emotional intelligence.

239

: 00:11:48

Encourages us to use our

emotions for positive action.

240

: 00:11:53

And with ADHD that's so important.

241

: 00:11:57

People talk about it being an

interest driven nervous system.

242

: 00:12:01

I think interest is good.

243

: 00:12:03

But it's actually, the magic

happens when it's our passion.

244

: 00:12:08

When it lines up with our

strengths, which you can get

245

: 00:12:11

from the via character strengths.

246

: 00:12:13

And then you bring in your interests.

247

: 00:12:16

Then you maybe recruit some of

your values, some of the things

248

: 00:12:20

that really get your motor going.

249

: 00:12:22

Then.

250

: 00:12:23

You've got a passion.

251

: 00:12:24

And that is going to be something

that is almost effortless.

252

: 00:12:29

And that is powered by emotion.

253

: 00:12:31

So in your emotional toolkit, think about.

254

: 00:12:34

Where's my motivation coming from.

255

: 00:12:37

Do I know what my strengths are.

256

: 00:12:39

Do I know what my values

and my passions are.

257

: 00:12:42

How can I use that to drive me forward?

258

: 00:12:44

And I'm much more fond of

the carrot than the stick.

259

: 00:12:48

It's easier to get a donkey

to go towards a carrot than

260

: 00:12:51

it is to beat it with a stick.

261

: 00:12:52

And it's certainly much more fun.

262

: 00:12:54

And I.

263

: 00:12:55

Do not approve of animal cruelty.

264

: 00:12:56

This is just an example, an analogy.

265

: 00:12:59

And when you understand that you can

have something in your toolkit for

266

: 00:13:03

when you're dealing with a job that

you don't particularly want to do.

267

: 00:13:07

And you can name.

268

: 00:13:08

Oh, how can I recruit one of my strengths?

269

: 00:13:11

Where is this connected with my

long-term passion, with my goal.

270

: 00:13:14

What I want to do in

life, who I want to be.

271

: 00:13:17

And who you want to be.

272

: 00:13:19

Is much easier to pursue than what you

want to do or what you want to have.

273

: 00:13:24

The next step and your emotional

intelligence framework is empathy.

274

: 00:13:28

I find that people have too

much empathy because we don't

275

: 00:13:31

have very good boundaries.

276

: 00:13:33

You're somebody who has too much

empathy, Your toolkit might want

277

: 00:13:37

to include some boundary making.

278

: 00:13:39

And finally with emotional intelligence,

there's a lot of focus on social skills.

279

: 00:13:45

We've covered elements of that

before, but for your toolkit,

280

: 00:13:48

I want you to think about.

281

: 00:13:50

Where do I find social skills?

282

: 00:13:53

Challenging.

283

: 00:13:54

Do I need to change them.

284

: 00:13:56

Is it a question of finding a different.

285

: 00:13:59

Garden a different tribe.

286

: 00:14:01

Or are my social interactions

difficult or draining because there's

287

: 00:14:06

an element of me that is not being

nourished that are not listening to.

288

: 00:14:11

Am I ignoring something that I

really need to do well, and that

289

: 00:14:15

comes in to my next example.

290

: 00:14:18

So that I feel good enough

to engage with other people.

291

: 00:14:22

And I see this a lot with clients.

292

: 00:14:25

People are working so hard.

293

: 00:14:27

they're may be.

294

: 00:14:28

In the earliest stages of starting

a business, they're may be working

295

: 00:14:31

long hours and then they wonder why.

296

: 00:14:34

The are socially so challenged.

297

: 00:14:37

And it's because.

298

: 00:14:39

Everything's going out.

299

: 00:14:40

Nothing's coming in.

300

: 00:14:42

Take a minute and.

301

: 00:14:43

What do I need to do for myself?

302

: 00:14:46

So that's the emotional

intelligence framework.

303

: 00:14:49

And that gives you an overall view of

how we can use something like that.

304

: 00:14:55

To explore emotions without feeling

overwhelmed, but the next thing I'm

305

: 00:15:00

going to share with you is a game

changer and it's from the expert Dr.

306

: 00:15:05

Kathleen Nadeau.

307

: 00:15:07

Now the word expert is

thrown around a lot.

308

: 00:15:10

I see people calling

themselves ADHD experts.

309

: 00:15:13

After doing a 1220 hours

certificate online.

310

: 00:15:18

Excuse me.

311

: 00:15:19

Dr.

312

: 00:15:19

Kathleen Nadeau is what they call the OG.

313

: 00:15:23

The original.

314

: 00:15:24

She is the goat, the greatest of all time.

315

: 00:15:27

She's one of those.

316

: 00:15:29

Academics who has gone from

her passion, her study.

317

: 00:15:33

And taken it out into the world.

318

: 00:15:35

Dr.

319

: 00:15:36

Nadeau wrote a book called still

distracted after all these years.

320

: 00:15:41

And it's something that I go

back to time and time again.

321

: 00:15:45

In that book, she shares an

acronym for brain healthy habits.

322

: 00:15:50

And I want to share it with you now.

323

: 00:15:52

I think these are.

324

: 00:15:55

Simple enough to remember.

325

: 00:15:57

But powerful enough to

make a real difference.

326

: 00:16:01

So let's go through each one of them.

327

: 00:16:04

The acronym is called MENDSS and

each each of the letters stands for.

328

: 00:16:09

A habit.

329

: 00:16:10

So the first is mindfulness.

330

: 00:16:12

The second is exercise.

331

: 00:16:14

The third is nature.

332

: 00:16:16

The fourth is diet.

333

: 00:16:19

The fifth is sleep.

334

: 00:16:20

The sixth is social connection.

335

: 00:16:23

Let's begin with mindfulness and

she explains in the book, and

336

: 00:16:27

this is what started me on my own

mindfulness practice, which looks very

337

: 00:16:30

different to what you might imagine.

338

: 00:16:33

Mindfulness doesn't have to mean

we do long extended practices.

339

: 00:16:37

It can literally be being

mindful of the present moment.

340

: 00:16:42

Being really in it.

341

: 00:16:44

Present.

342

: 00:16:44

Connected.

343

: 00:16:46

Focusing on our senses,

focusing on our body.

344

: 00:16:50

On the place that we are,

the time that we are.

345

: 00:16:54

As humans, we always tend to think

in the future or the past, when

346

: 00:16:58

we are mindful humans, we are.

347

: 00:17:00

In the now.

348

: 00:17:02

So mindfulness is something that

you can build into your day.

349

: 00:17:05

What changes when we are

really present in that moment.

350

: 00:17:09

And we use the other tools that we've

talked about coming aware of our emotions.

351

: 00:17:14

And just accepting them.

352

: 00:17:16

How does that change things?

353

: 00:17:18

One of the things that really works

for mindfulness is creating that space.

354

: 00:17:22

And it's something that I experienced.

355

: 00:17:25

Through coaching and mindfulness.

356

: 00:17:27

I needed both of those and

then medication, but all

357

: 00:17:30

three of them together.

358

: 00:17:32

Allow me to create space in my thoughts.

359

: 00:17:35

And Dr.

360

: 00:17:36

Nadeau uses a quote, which

I will share with you.

361

: 00:17:39

It's attributed to Victor Frankl

362

: 00:17:41

and it reads.

363

: 00:17:42

Between stimulus and

response, there is space.

364

: 00:17:47

In that space.

365

: 00:17:48

Is our power to choose our response.

366

: 00:17:51

In our response.

367

: 00:17:53

Lies our growth.

368

: 00:17:54

And our freedom.

369

: 00:17:56

I'll read that again.

370

: 00:17:57

In our response lies our growth.

371

: 00:18:01

And our freedom.

372

: 00:18:03

If you've listened to a few of these

podcasts by now, you might be thinking.

373

: 00:18:07

Katherine always talks about exercise.

374

: 00:18:09

She always talks about mindfulness.

375

: 00:18:12

She talks about sleep.

376

: 00:18:13

There's a lot of really practical

down to earth strategies that I share

377

: 00:18:17

along with the ADHD information.

378

: 00:18:20

But the reason I provide all

of that is for exactly those

379

: 00:18:24

two reasons growth and freedom.

380

: 00:18:27

When we're able to live in a way that is.

381

: 00:18:31

In line with our physical and

mental needs with our emotional

382

: 00:18:35

needs, we experienced growth.

383

: 00:18:37

And when we have that,

we have true freedom.

384

: 00:18:40

And that's what we all want,

ultimately, one way or another,

385

: 00:18:44

whoever you define freedom.

386

: 00:18:46

And one of the ways to achieve

that is through mindfulness.

387

: 00:18:49

And that's because the space in between.

388

: 00:18:53

It's a present moment.

389

: 00:18:55

And when we practice mindfulness,

we inhabit the present moment.

390

: 00:18:59

The second part of MENDSS is exercise.

391

: 00:19:03

I talk about it all the time.

392

: 00:19:05

Walking for me is connected to freedom.

393

: 00:19:08

It takes you anywhere you want to go.

394

: 00:19:10

And it is.

395

: 00:19:11

A powerful regulatory exercise

quite often, if I've been having

396

: 00:19:17

trouble thinking something's through.

397

: 00:19:20

If I go for a walk and think about it.

398

: 00:19:23

I can come up with a solution.

399

: 00:19:24

You may also have experienced it.

400

: 00:19:26

It's easier to talk to

somebody when you're on a walk.

401

: 00:19:30

And there's evidence that

the pattern of our steps.

402

: 00:19:34

They left right left, right.

403

: 00:19:36

The rhythm and the cross body.

404

: 00:19:38

Action.

405

: 00:19:39

Actually helps us to

process and to think better.

406

: 00:19:43

And although when we think about

exercise in ADHD, we often think

407

: 00:19:46

of a aerobic exercise because

there's great evidence on.

408

: 00:19:50

The impact of that on our

prefrontal cortex on our attention.

409

: 00:19:54

There is some evidence that strength

training also has an impact on a

410

: 00:19:58

prefrontal lobes or pre-frontal cortex.

411

: 00:20:01

And the third element is nature.

412

: 00:20:03

Nature.

413

: 00:20:04

As much as you can get, as often as

you can get, especially if you're

414

: 00:20:08

feeling emotionally dysregulated.

415

: 00:20:11

If you are feeling tired.

416

: 00:20:13

And we all know what the impact

of fatigue and tiredness has

417

: 00:20:16

on our emotional regulation.

418

: 00:20:18

The one caveat I would give.

419

: 00:20:20

And this is also included in the book is.

420

: 00:20:23

Try not to be checking in.

421

: 00:20:25

With your connection to the OTT

world while you're having your break.

422

: 00:20:30

A lot of clients have told me,

oh, I go for a walk every day.

423

: 00:20:33

And what do you do in your walk?

424

: 00:20:34

I take a walk.

425

: 00:20:35

I take the dog.

426

: 00:20:36

And stick my headphones in

and I listened to a podcast.

427

: 00:20:40

And when we discuss how

restore that makes them feel.

428

: 00:20:45

So the answer is equivocal because

our brain is not disengaged.

429

: 00:20:50

Our brain is somewhere else.

430

: 00:20:51

Our body is enjoying the

greenery, the nature.

431

: 00:20:54

But our brain is still on work time.

432

: 00:20:57

Experiment for me, go for one, walk with

a podcast with your phone in your pocket.

433

: 00:21:02

And then go for another

walk without your podcast.

434

: 00:21:05

Take your phone.

435

: 00:21:06

If you want to, for safety.

436

: 00:21:08

But try not to do anything else

while you're out for a walk.

437

: 00:21:12

Compare the two and then let me know.

438

: 00:21:15

How does he feel?

439

: 00:21:16

The next one of course is diet and

nutrition are crucial for all humans.

440

: 00:21:20

All bodies needs.

441

: 00:21:22

Really good quality nutrition.

442

: 00:21:24

We can't always access

it in terms of economy.

443

: 00:21:28

Accessibility.

444

: 00:21:29

But with ADHD, we know that the

risks for our longterm health are

445

: 00:21:34

higher diabetes, heart disease.

446

: 00:21:37

The problems that come with that

impulsivity difficulty planning.

447

: 00:21:42

The not being hungry, all day

and being very hungry at night.

448

: 00:21:47

The evidence is that we struggle more.

449

: 00:21:50

To manage a healthy, balanced diet.

450

: 00:21:53

That doesn't mean one

extreme or the other.

451

: 00:21:56

But that balance is more difficult for us.

452

: 00:21:58

And yet.

453

: 00:21:59

It's crucial for your brain to

get the nutrition that you need.

454

: 00:22:03

And I would say that I recorded a

couple of episodes about food and ADHD.

455

: 00:22:06

way back we'll include links to them.

456

: 00:22:09

But the impulsivity.

457

: 00:22:11

The addictive tendency, the.

458

: 00:22:13

The complications of

eating disorders and ADHD.

459

: 00:22:17

Are not to be discounted.

460

: 00:22:19

And I know that some people find

with medication their, s hould we say

461

: 00:22:23

snack habit improves for many of us?

462

: 00:22:25

It doesn't.

463

: 00:22:26

Or it does temporarily

and then it wears off.

464

: 00:22:28

Please don't beat yourself up about this.

465

: 00:22:32

Please don't feel bad.

466

: 00:22:33

This is a known element of ADHD.

467

: 00:22:36

And standard advice.

468

: 00:22:38

Isn't just going to cut it for you.

469

: 00:22:40

There are some fantastic ADHD

informed nutritionists out there.

470

: 00:22:44

And if you have a look around, look for

people who are experienced, who are giving

471

: 00:22:49

you moderate advice who are accepting.

472

: 00:22:52

Compassionate.

473

: 00:22:54

And who are supportive.

474

: 00:22:55

I've got some resources are

nearly ready, all about.

475

: 00:22:58

Organizing meal planning,

how to include things.

476

: 00:23:02

When you have people with ARFID or

other restrictions in the family.

477

: 00:23:06

And I will include them very soon.

478

: 00:23:09

But for now.

479

: 00:23:09

Focus on making sure

you're getting the right.

480

: 00:23:12

Vitamins and minerals that you need.

481

: 00:23:15

See a nutritionist go to your doctor.

482

: 00:23:17

Make sure that your bloods are okay.

483

: 00:23:19

But don't beat yourself up about it.

484

: 00:23:22

The next element and the

MENDSS framework is sleep.

485

: 00:23:26

I love sleep.

486

: 00:23:27

But as a menopausal woman, it has not

been my friend for many years now.

487

: 00:23:32

And I don't want to underestimate how

difficult it is for us to get sleep.

488

: 00:23:38

Many people with ADHD rely on

melatonin because there are

489

: 00:23:42

neuro biological challenges to.

490

: 00:23:44

Getting to sleep, staying asleep.

491

: 00:23:47

And then of course, there's

the pattern that habit forms.

492

: 00:23:51

Whether we can't get to sleep in that

we know we're not going to get to sleep.

493

: 00:23:54

You get the picture.

494

: 00:23:56

But we know that sleep is crucial

for brain health and brain

495

: 00:24:00

health is crucial for improved

ADHD and emotional management.

496

: 00:24:05

But you can improve your sleep.

497

: 00:24:07

And one of the most simple

things you can do is.

498

: 00:24:11

I know you're going to hate me.

499

: 00:24:12

Leave the phone, outside your bedroom.

500

: 00:24:15

Make sleep as enticing

as it possibly can be.

501

: 00:24:18

We talk a lot about revenge,

procrastination, bedtime procrastination.

502

: 00:24:24

If you are not meeting a need during

the day for that time to just be,

503

: 00:24:29

hopefully is a mindfulness element.

504

: 00:24:31

We'll help you to be

present throughout the day.

505

: 00:24:34

So that occurs the less.

506

: 00:24:37

But at the end of the day, When

you're putting off, going to bed.

507

: 00:24:41

See, if you can pause and catch yourself.

508

: 00:24:44

What do I really need right now?

509

: 00:24:46

Do I need rest.

510

: 00:24:48

Do I need just to switch my brain

off and be for a little while.

511

: 00:24:52

And is scrolling through Tik TOK,

really going to do that for me.

512

: 00:24:56

And Dr.

513

: 00:24:57

Nadeau's is book still distracted after

all these years has a fantastic selection

514

: 00:25:01

of simple tools that you can bring in for

the sleep support, including my favorite

515

: 00:25:06

camomile tea and a really good book.

516

: 00:25:09

But make your bedtime as

attractive as it possibly can be.

517

: 00:25:13

Because we want to make the thing that

you are putting off more attractive than

518

: 00:25:18

this thing that you're doing right now.

519

: 00:25:20

That's a really simple

way to think about it.

520

: 00:25:22

How can you make it as lovely as possible?

521

: 00:25:25

Do you need fresh sheets?

522

: 00:25:26

Do you need nice jammies.

523

: 00:25:28

And finally social connections.

524

: 00:25:31

Social connections can be challenging

for many of us, especially if we

525

: 00:25:35

have experienced some rejection.

526

: 00:25:37

Could we maybe feel a bit.

527

: 00:25:39

Out of touch, we feel a bit awkward.

528

: 00:25:41

And so we isolate ourselves.

529

: 00:25:43

But human beings need social

connections and social connections.

530

: 00:25:48

And so many studies are shown

to be crucial for your longterm

531

: 00:25:53

emotional health and for ageing well.

532

: 00:25:56

I could go through.

533

: 00:25:58

That entire book and every single

thing in there is literally golden.

534

: 00:26:04

So if you don't have.

535

: 00:26:05

Still distracted after all

these years, please get it.

536

: 00:26:08

Please read it.

537

: 00:26:09

Maybe we could have a book group.

538

: 00:26:11

Would you like that?

539

: 00:26:12

We could have a book group.

540

: 00:26:13

To go through the book

together and discuss it.

541

: 00:26:16

I just think it's such a powerful

book for people of all ages.

542

: 00:26:21

But, over fifties are the fastest growing

group of people being diagnosed with ADHD.

543

: 00:26:26

And life is different for us, right?

544

: 00:26:29

Some of us are working.

545

: 00:26:31

Some of us have young

children or teenagers.

546

: 00:26:33

Some of us have grandchildren.

547

: 00:26:35

Some of us are retired.

548

: 00:26:37

And some of us.

549

: 00:26:38

I would say a large number of us.

550

: 00:26:40

Are starting you businesses.

551

: 00:26:42

If you're over 50 and you're starting

a new business and you have ADHD.

552

: 00:26:46

You are not alone.

553

: 00:26:48

You are part of a growing group.

554

: 00:26:50

Of Gen X, ADHD, late diagnosed people who

are somehow not quite ready to get the

555

: 00:26:58

slippers and the pipe and settled down.

556

: 00:27:01

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

557

: 00:27:03

But.

558

: 00:27:03

If that's you.

559

: 00:27:04

I really recommend this book.

560

: 00:27:07

I really recommend making sure

you get my emotional toolkit.

561

: 00:27:11

And stay connected to Team

bulb, all the rest of us.

562

: 00:27:15

And next week I get to share

a really special guest.

563

: 00:27:19

And I hope after discussing the book,

you know who that's going to be.

564

: 00:27:22

Now let's look at our toolkit and I'm

going to include a link in the show notes.

565

: 00:27:27

Where you can sign up for the wait list.

566

: 00:27:29

If the wait list.

567

: 00:27:30

Isn't there, there may be a direct link.

568

: 00:27:32

When I get things put together in a way

that pleases me because I'm offering

569

: 00:27:37

this something that makes me smile.

570

: 00:27:40

And I want you to smile

when you see it too.

571

: 00:27:42

So there will be different formats,

but you can either sign up to the

572

: 00:27:46

wait list or you can download it.

573

: 00:27:48

And.

574

: 00:27:49

The tools that we're

going to go through are.

575

: 00:27:52

I guess some people might

feel offensively simple.

576

: 00:27:55

But simple.

577

: 00:27:55

Isn't easy.

578

: 00:27:57

there's a fantastic.

579

: 00:27:58

Trainer and coach called, Susan

Niebergall, who always says,

580

: 00:28:01

it's simple, but it's not easy.

581

: 00:28:03

And that is basically my

mantra to these are simple.

582

: 00:28:08

That doesn't mean it's going to be easy,

but they are powerful when we use them.

583

: 00:28:12

So tool number one is name it to tame it.

584

: 00:28:15

I didn't invent.

585

: 00:28:16

This is quite common.

586

: 00:28:18

But when we're not aware of our emotions

who are not paying attention to.

587

: 00:28:23

What we're feeling.

588

: 00:28:24

And giving it a name, identifying it.

589

: 00:28:27

When we're not identifying our

emotions and naming them specifically.

590

: 00:28:32

Much Much harder to address them.

591

: 00:28:34

The second tool you want to look at.

592

: 00:28:36

It's something to track your emotions.

593

: 00:28:39

This is especially important.

594

: 00:28:40

If you have a hormonal cycle.

595

: 00:28:42

And the next four episodes are all

going to be about the impact of

596

: 00:28:46

hormones and ADHD on women and girls.

597

: 00:28:50

But if you're not tracking

your emotions, How do you know.

598

: 00:28:55

What you're experiencing.

599

: 00:28:56

And I say this because I know it's

difficult for me to have a long-term

600

: 00:29:02

view of what my emotional temperature is.

601

: 00:29:06

Am I permanently running hot.

602

: 00:29:08

Am I actually feeling quite blue.

603

: 00:29:10

I.

604

: 00:29:11

Somewhere in the middle, on my

balancing things out enough.

605

: 00:29:15

Unless I tracked them.

606

: 00:29:17

I can't see them.

607

: 00:29:18

And so you want to use a

tool that works for you.

608

: 00:29:21

For some people it's a

simple notebook or a diary.

609

: 00:29:24

Some people like Google

docs or spreadsheets, some

610

: 00:29:27

people like notion templates.

611

: 00:29:30

There is a fantastic app, which

I am playing with just now called

612

: 00:29:34

"Thruday" as in Thursday, but.

613

: 00:29:37

The wrong way round.

614

: 00:29:39

And the reason, and this

isn't an ad or anything.

615

: 00:29:42

Playing with it because what I love is

it combines two very powerful things.

616

: 00:29:47

For me.

617

: 00:29:48

One is a visual layout of my day ahead my

week, even so I can see where the time is.

618

: 00:29:57

I can block it.

619

: 00:29:58

And as big or small

amount as they need to.

620

: 00:30:02

But it also allows you to track your

emotions and at the moment it's quite

621

: 00:30:06

broad, but I know that is in development.

622

: 00:30:10

And then you can share it with somebody.

623

: 00:30:13

So it could be your partner.

624

: 00:30:15

It could be, your parents.

625

: 00:30:16

Parents.

626

: 00:30:17

Whoever is working with you, you

can share how you're feeling.

627

: 00:30:22

And I think that is incredibly powerful.

628

: 00:30:24

So that app is called

THruday -. And I will include

629

: 00:30:28

a link to it in the show notes.

630

: 00:30:30

So there's another way that

you can track your emotions.

631

: 00:30:33

And it has a bonus of being

able to plan out your day.

632

: 00:30:37

With any of these tools?

633

: 00:30:39

Accept that you are going

to get bored of them.

634

: 00:30:41

You might need to make them sparkly.

635

: 00:30:43

And.

636

: 00:30:44

Refresh them.

637

: 00:30:46

So don't worry if they suddenly

in quotes, stop working, just,

638

: 00:30:50

we need to cheat, shake things up

and get them interesting again.

639

: 00:30:53

The third tool that you want to have

in your emotional toolkit is some

640

: 00:30:56

form of mindfulness or meditation.

641

: 00:30:59

When you're thinking about meditation

and mindfulness, make sure that it's one

642

: 00:31:04

that allows you to stay in the moment.

643

: 00:31:08

And not dwell on things too much.

644

: 00:31:11

Practice being present.

645

: 00:31:13

But maybe use guided meditations

rather than things that allow your

646

: 00:31:17

mind to wander on its own too much.

647

: 00:31:20

We have a well-trodden path.

648

: 00:31:21

Sometimes it can take us

in the wrong direction.

649

: 00:31:25

So mindfulness meditations that

are narrated Kristin Neff, the

650

: 00:31:30

mindfulness The fierce self-compassion

mindfulness teacher has free.

651

: 00:31:36

Resources, which I will include a link to.

652

: 00:31:39

And you can get ones that are for

people with ADHD, and that will

653

: 00:31:43

include references to those as well.

654

: 00:31:45

The fourth tool is one that I

resisted for a long time, but is.

655

: 00:31:49

Scientifically proven to be effective.

656

: 00:31:52

Of course I resist it.

657

: 00:31:53

And that is the combination of

gratitude, journaling, and savoring.

658

: 00:31:59

These are both tools.

659

: 00:32:00

Tools from positive psychology.

660

: 00:32:02

Gratitude journaling can be as

complicated or as simple as you,

661

: 00:32:05

I sit down, I write three moments or

three things that I am grateful for

662

: 00:32:11

having experienced, or that I appreciated.

663

: 00:32:14

During the day.

664

: 00:32:15

And savoring is when I take time to

actually really love the moment that

665

: 00:32:21

I'm in the experience I'm having.

666

: 00:32:24

And I think how would I explain

this to say my coach or my

667

: 00:32:29

best friend who wasn't there?

668

: 00:32:31

Can I tell them what it looks

like, what it smells like?

669

: 00:32:34

I can hear.

670

: 00:32:36

I can feel.

671

: 00:32:37

And.

672

: 00:32:38

Obviously you don't need to

make it a formal exercise.

673

: 00:32:41

That just having that.

674

: 00:32:44

Oh, my goodness.

675

: 00:32:44

This moment, this experience is fabulous.

676

: 00:32:48

And tucking it away.

677

: 00:32:49

In your memory bank.

678

: 00:32:51

allows your positive emotions to build up.

679

: 00:32:54

And in the last episode we talked about.

680

: 00:32:57

The power of positive emotions over time.

681

: 00:33:01

To improve our emotional regulation

and our physical wellbeing as well.

682

: 00:33:05

The fifth tool you might want to include

his ear or emotional acuity resonance.

683

: 00:33:11

This is an idea.

684

: 00:33:13

That I am playing with and

sharing with you early on.

685

: 00:33:16

It's not fully formed,

but I love the idea.

686

: 00:33:20

That the sensitivity, many people

with ADHD have around emotions.

687

: 00:33:26

Can become one of our genuine strengths.

688

: 00:33:30

We can use it to improve

ourself understanding.

689

: 00:33:34

And then use that to improve

who we understand others.

690

: 00:33:38

But to develop this

emotional acuity resonance.

691

: 00:33:43

The thing that you could

begin to do just now.

692

: 00:33:45

Is active listening.

693

: 00:33:47

So active listening, isn't just

nodding your head and things.

694

: 00:33:51

You are completely focusing on the

person who you are listening to.

695

: 00:33:56

You're really taking the time and the

energy to understand what they're seeing.

696

: 00:34:02

What is behind the story, the

message that they're giving you.

697

: 00:34:07

And then respond.

698

: 00:34:09

With thought rather than just react.

699

: 00:34:12

An active listening.

700

: 00:34:14

Being really attentive makes

a huge difference to the

701

: 00:34:18

person you're listening to.

702

: 00:34:20

And.

703

: 00:34:21

It is for me, it's a form of mindfulness

because I am present in that moment.

704

: 00:34:26

100%.

705

: 00:34:27

And finally think about that Dr.

706

: 00:34:30

Nadeau MENDSS framework.

707

: 00:34:32

Where are you on each of these elements?

708

: 00:34:35

Is there one particular thing that

you're almost there with, but you

709

: 00:34:39

could do more of, is there something

you're completely neglecting, but

710

: 00:34:44

when you think back, goodness, I

felt really good when I did that.

711

: 00:34:48

How are you going to track those?

712

: 00:34:50

Again, Adapt as to your preferred

modality, is it a whiteboard

713

: 00:34:55

is a notebook is a an app.

714

: 00:34:58

Is it a scorecard on your calendar?

715

: 00:35:01

I have discovered.

716

: 00:35:02

Reward charts that people

used to use for kids.

717

: 00:35:06

They never worked for us.

718

: 00:35:07

And I know why now I should

probably talk about that sometime.

719

: 00:35:11

But I found these old reward stickers

and I thought, oh my goodness,

720

: 00:35:14

I could use that for myself.

721

: 00:35:15

So I'm doing that just now

giving myself a sticker.

722

: 00:35:19

Because I'm working on.

723

: 00:35:21

Getting to sleep early.

724

: 00:35:22

I'm giving myself time.

725

: 00:35:24

To do a little bit of

mindfulness every day

726

: 00:35:26

but think about.

727

: 00:35:28

How you can make your

interaction with that framework.

728

: 00:35:32

Meaningful and easy for you.

729

: 00:35:35

You can email me or leave a

comment or reply and let me know.

730

: 00:35:39

Are you a notebook person, an

app person, what works for you?

731

: 00:35:43

And again, Remember, we

need to keep it sparkly.

732

: 00:35:47

If it stops in quotes, working.

733

: 00:35:49

Just use something else.

734

: 00:35:51

There's no reward for being so

consistent that you stop doing something.

735

: 00:35:57

So I've created this emotional toolkit.

736

: 00:35:59

Which is mainly for people with ADHD,

but frankly The things that work for

737

: 00:36:04

ADHD works really well for most people.

738

: 00:36:08

So this toolkit it's my way of sharing

the things that I know will help you.

739

: 00:36:13

That have helped me and I continued

to work on and grow and develop.

740

: 00:36:18

The emotional toolkit is

my way of sharing with you.

741

: 00:36:22

All of the information that

I've gathered together.

742

: 00:36:25

And it's for you to play with.

743

: 00:36:27

Okay.

744

: 00:36:27

This isn't a prescription I'm not.

745

: 00:36:29

a doctor or a counselor, a therapist.

746

: 00:36:32

By hopes that you have found this month

journey through emotional dysregulation.

747

: 00:36:37

And neurobiology.

748

: 00:36:39

Positive emotions and the impact of

chronic stress, all of these things.

749

: 00:36:44

I hope it's been really helpful.

750

: 00:36:46

I think you've learned

something useful from it.

751

: 00:36:49

And I would love it.

752

: 00:36:50

If you could share with me or with

other people in the community.

753

: 00:36:54

What has changed for you?

754

: 00:36:56

What insight have you got?

755

: 00:36:57

You can either leave a comment.

756

: 00:37:00

Yeah.

757

: 00:37:00

And social media, you can

use a hashtag team bulb.

758

: 00:37:03

That's where we're hanging out.

759

: 00:37:05

And I want to.

760

: 00:37:06

Remind you that next week, we have a, my

very first and incredibly special guest.

761

: 00:37:12

So it Dr Kathleen Nadeau.

762

: 00:37:13

And we also have series looking

specifically at ADHD in women and

763

: 00:37:19

at different points in our life.

764

: 00:37:21

So everything from puberty

through to menopause and beyond.

765

: 00:37:25

Because we don't suddenly stop existing

when estrogen leaves the building.

766

: 00:37:29

And although women are a

mere 51% of the population.

767

: 00:37:34

There's going to be enough in there.

768

: 00:37:36

The other 49% of the population.

769

: 00:37:39

We'll also find it valuable.

770

: 00:37:41

Make sure that you have subscribed.

771

: 00:37:44

Share this episode, if you want other

people to know about the toolkit.

772

: 00:37:48

You can use these today, right?

773

: 00:37:50

Let me know which one are

you going to use today?

774

: 00:37:53

And then come back to keep going with me.

775

: 00:37:56

As we learn more about ADHD.

776

: 00:37:58

And we keep looking at what is possible.

777

: 00:38:01

With ADHD.

778

: 00:38:02

I'm ADHD, coach Katherine.

779

: 00:38:04

Thank you so much for

listening to this episode.

780

: 00:38:08

Please share it.

781

: 00:38:08

If it's been useful to you and I look

forward to you joining me next week.