Herding cats with ADHD: how to create a strong foundation for life

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Welcome back.

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My friend.

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It is ADHD.

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Coach Katherine.

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And today we are going to be

looking at how to combine some

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of the things I've talked about.

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In previous episodes and which are a key

part of the foundation of my framework.

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This is your critical trio.

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That allow you to work with your ADHD.

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And to still achieve whatever

your desired outcome, maybe.

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Those three things which I've

talked about in previous episodes.

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Are your executive functions.

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Your personal strengths

and self-compassion.

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Again, I'm so grateful for the wonderful

messages I get from people who have

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taken things from the Polk, cursed

used them and are finding them, making

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a real positive change in their life.

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Bravo.

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I just want to give you a

great big round of applause.

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I'm so impressed and.

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It's exactly why I make this podcast.

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And the last episode, we talked

about understanding how your ADHD

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is different from other people's and

why it's really important that you

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understand how it's affecting you.

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Because of course, if

we don't really know.

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Why we findings difficult

or what is helpful for us?

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We're not going to be able

to create the strategies and

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structures that we need around us.

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And yes, we all need a routine, even

if we don't particularly enjoy it.

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Building strategies and structures

at work with your brain.

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Is only possible when you

understand your version of ADHD.

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Now that you understand the

need for self-awareness.

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We're going to build a foundation by

looking at home executive functions.

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Focusing on your strengths.

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And adding in self-compassion.

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Allow you to create a really real.

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Bust foundation level.

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For both personal and

professional success.

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As we unpack each of these

elements, And I'm going to

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explain how they work together.

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And give you some practical strategies

about how to use them every day.

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I want you to remember that whether

you're struggling with time management.

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Whether you are feeling a bit overwhelmed

in your business or in your personal life.

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Learning to use your strengths

and use of compassion.

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Is really important.

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Whatever you are with your ADHD.

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Let's do a quick recap

of executive functions.

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I love Dr.

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Russell Barkley's explanation of them as.

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Who, what, when, why and how models.

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And I've spoken before about where they

are in your brain, because said are

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circuits rather than single elements.

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That affect your executive

functions and how they work.

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These are the defining features of ADHD.

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Our executive functions are different

from the neuro-typical standard model

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it's likely that you are going to

struggle with one or two more than others.

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For example, some people

with ADHD have no problem.

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Planning out.

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Complicated projects.

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And I know several who work in

businesses and companies where that's

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their main job and they love it.

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They thrive on it.

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But there are others who literally

can't see beyond next week.

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There are going to be some people with

ADHD who are capable of switching into

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hyper-focus or floor really quickly.

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And that focus that laser

beam is used every day is

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something that they thrive on.

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But there are going to be

other people who struggle.

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And when you think is it.

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Most people.

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I find it hard to refocus when

we have an interruption, either

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an internal or external one.

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And it takes about 20 minutes

to regather your attention.

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It's no wonder that people with

ADHD find it even more difficult.

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But basically your executive

functions are the management system,

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the operating system of your brain

and the connect different areas.

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They tell you.

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Who you are.

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What do you believe about yourself?

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What are you doing?

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And what order do you do things in.

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Why are you doing thing support?

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What's the meaning of them.

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Did manage your emotions.

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That you're hot circuit

is your emotional circuit.

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And all of them tick is our create.

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Our experience of the world.

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But with ADHD brains.

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Both the structure and the level

of neuro-transmitters in her brain.

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Are different.

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We may find it harder to keep up with

the speed of conversation because

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we're processing what people are

seeing and how they're talking.

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It's why many parents

of children with ADHD.

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The first thing I tell them is give

instructions one thing at a time.

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And if you're in a classroom,

Make sure that you have a visual.

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On the board as well as

a variable instruction.

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Because your executive

functions take external.

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Stimuli and feedback and turn it

into a message or instruction.

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And one of the main ways

we assess ADHD is to.

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Determine how affected your

executive functions are.

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So the first thing to do is think about.

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Where are my executive

functions struggling.

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And I've talked about this in

a previous episode, which I

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will include in the show notes.

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And I have a mini class, which

is nearly ready to go about

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understanding your executive functions.

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And creating your unique profile.

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It's called brilliant brains.

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And it will be available.

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In June.

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2024.

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And a few episodes ago, I

talked about strengths and it

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specifically character strengths.

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And why those are so important.

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It's the second lake of your three legged

stool for this particular foundation.

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And character strengths are those

things which are universally

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recognized so for instance, creativity.

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Love of beauty and excellence.

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Zest is one that's very common

for people with ADHD humor.

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Kindness love is a character strengths.

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There's about 24 that you can find on

the via character strengths assessment.

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So when that I use.

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But that's different.

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From a skill.

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Skill is something that we learn through

practice and training, and these can

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be things that we use for ADHD support.

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Time management.

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Computer coding, learning

to speak in public.

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Knitting.

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These are all skills.

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That we can learn and improve.

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And finally we have talent.

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Tell it to those natural aptitudes

or abilities that we have.

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When we are given the opportunity

to use an express, some.

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They can become something more.

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But a talent is obviously

something like being musical.

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Being artistic.

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Some people are very good at sport.

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But there are other things.

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Some people have a real gift for

catching mathematics, the instinctively

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understand the principles and the.

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The enjoy it.

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We can also develop a skill

with mathematics, but it's

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not the same as a talent.

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But once you understand what

your particular strengths are.

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Your character strengths.

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You can use them in areas that your

executive functions are struggling a bit.

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When we work with our strengths.

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We have a level of resilience.

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And capability.

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Of what you call self efficacy, that

feelings that we are able to do things.

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There is.

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Often lacking for those of us with ADHD.

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And sometimes it happens because

people are well-meaning and

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they sink they're helping.

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And it just reinforces this idea.

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We can't do sayings.

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But when you're using your

strengths, You can start to feel

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more capable, more confident.

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You can achieve more in your desired

idiot doesn't mean you need to be.

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Going out.

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Setting up a company

like Virgin or jet blue.

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But your strengths give

you this foundation.

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And then you can use

your skills and talents.

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To compliment.

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The areas that you need help

with your executive functions.

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For example, if you are somebody who

struggles with organization, And you feel

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that you just can't get on top of things.

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You may be lacking a skill.

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Which could be learned.

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But when you look at your

strengths, you may find it.

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You have a strengths for creativity.

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Creativity doesn't mean that

you can write music like Mozart.

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It just means that you're more likely to

find an unusual solution to a problem.

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But when we take the pressure

off for solving that.

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Challenge of our executive

function syncing.

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Huh.

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One of my character

strengths is creativity.

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Who can I.

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Adapt.

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This particular challenge.

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And use that character strengths

to develop your unique system.

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The reason that a strengths based

approach is so good for people with ADHD.

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Is because it moves away.

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From this deficit and

yes, ADHD is a disability.

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But when we focus on our strengths,

We're thinking about what is

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inherently powerful and good.

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About me.

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And the positive focus.

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Changes your motivation.

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And your confidence and I was asking

clients for feedback this week.

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And so many of them said my

confidence is so much higher.

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I feel really good.

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I know I can do things now and

it's because we focus relentlessly.

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On what they're good at?

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What are their strengths?

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How can they use them

to solve the challenges?

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That they have a knows they're doing it

themselves, which is so great to see.

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So using your strengths.

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Boost your confidence.

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It gives you a feeling of competence

allows you to accomplish things.

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Is that.

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Boost you even more.

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I know people talk about

the carrot and the stick.

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People with ADHD, we

worked so much better.

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With a big bucket of carrots.

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And lots of praise and.

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Positive feedback and warm sending.

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and enthusiasm you might be

able to use the stick there.

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Negative reinforcement for a while.

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But ultimately it's not going to be good

for your mental health or sustainable.

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So using your strengths.

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You build strategies around the

executive function challenges.

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Means it tasks become manageable.

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Less stressful.

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And it allows you to adapt.

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As circumstances change.

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And as your.

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Challenges change.

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One is a foundation pieces in the.

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Framework is it.

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We focus on using your strengths.

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And showing you how to create customized.

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Methods of support and scaffolding that

support your executive function gaps.

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Which means that it's all about

what is going to work best for you.

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It's got to be customized.

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And that is the.

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Difficulty most people

have when they try to.

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Sort of shoe horn themselves

into an ADHD in quotes solution.

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Or app

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.

And the third element of this foundation that we're thinking about building for

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your future success is self-compassion.

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Self-compassion is a really

tricky one for people with ADHD.

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Not just because we've had so many

negative comments throughout our life.

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The little judgy remarks

about things you've forgotten.

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Things you feel to do.

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And we end up judging

ourselves really harshly.

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I certainly have in the past, given

myself a fairly hard time for.

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Normal ADHD challenges before I

knew that's what was going on.

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But without self-compassion.

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This can actually become

really destructive.

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Because we know that all human beings

have a negativity bias were drawn to this,

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the bad, which is stickier than the good.

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But with ADHD, we get stuck in rumination.

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That's partly because of the

interplay between the TPN and the

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DMN, which is the task positive

network and the default mode network.

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People with ADHD appear to slip in

a note of those much more quickly.

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And also the default mode

network is very helpful.

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And it's what.

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We might be in, if we're

standing, waiting on a bus.

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If you're in the middle of a task and you

end up in the default mode network, and

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instead of focusing on the task, you're

thinking about what your boss said.

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Before you began, or the discussion

you had with your toe before you

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began work for the day or your

partner, something like that.

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That is where your focus starts to go.

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Your self efficacy takes a hit because

you think I can't steal on task.

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I'm not doing a good job.

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And with self-compassion.

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That is the moment where your

practice kicks in and you think,

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oh what is going on with me, I'm

going to take a minute and just.

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Get my self back into center.

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It can be as simple as choosing

to take a few mindful breaths.

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It can be having a daily

self-compassion practice.

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And there is evidence that it changes

how our brains are responding.

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But with self-compassion that

conversation, when you knew that you

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slipped into rumination or distraction?

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It's so much easier to get

back on task because you're not

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spending five or 10 or 30 minutes.

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Complaining to yourself about

how terrible your brain is.

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You just noticing it.

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And then moving back.

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It reduces your judgment.

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And Being less judgmental about yourself.

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Is absolutely key.

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Two.

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Keeping your executive

functions running smoothly.

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And the reason for that.

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Is because emotional regulation.

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Becomes a dominant.

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Sir, if you like, and your brain

over time, your brain will change.

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Your amygdala will enlarge this.

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That pathway, if you like becomes

well-trodden very quickly.

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And what self-compassion does.

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Is, it helps with the emotional

regulation piece of ADHD.

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It reduces your stress, which

we know has a physical impact.

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And when people with ADHD are

more likely to have diabetes

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and other health problems.

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We need to work on our stress levels.

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And it also helps us with the

resilience that I talked about before.

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Go back a couple of episodes

and I mentioned resilience.

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But in a non-toxic.

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Sort of way.

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And what it means about being flexible.

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So self-compassion is essential.

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To all of those things.

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And although it sounds like I'm

just going to be kind to myself.

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So many people have

baggage with the word kind.

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I like to replace it.

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And instead of saying,

oh, be kind to yourself.

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I think having compassion.

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For yourself.

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Is so much more expansive.

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When you think about what most

people are trying to juggle.

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Especially if you're self-employed,

you're running your own business

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or, you have a creative practice.

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You have a family.

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Any person living in the world today.

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Is dealing with a lot.

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And instead of seeing, be kind.

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B.

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Compassionate.

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It's so much more powerful kindness

is like patting somebody on

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the shoulder and seeing they're

there and doing the head toe.

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Making sympathetic noises.

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Compassion.

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For me.

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Is.

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Wrapping your arms around somebody.

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Giving them a long enough hook

for their breathing to regulate

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their oxytocin, to kick in.

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And we know that oxytocin has

a relationship with coaches.

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Also, the more oxytocin we

have to Lord our cortisol goes.

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Compassion.

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Embrace as somebody changes

their chemical state.

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And we can do that.

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And the way we communicate

with people and ourselves.

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And it's important.

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You learn to do that for yourself.

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And as always, I refer to.

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Dr.

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Kristin Neff, who is the person I always

go to for myself, compassion practice.

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And the reason we have

to do that is because.

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We have to build in self-compassion

along with understanding and working

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with our executive functions.

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And understanding or strengths.

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It's because the three of them

are low you to stay balanced.

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Centered afloat.

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Even when things get really challenging.

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And obviously I go into

this a lot more depth.

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And sessions with people.

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But sharing this with you isn't to make

you think, oh, I've got all these other

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things that I have to learn to do.

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I'm trying to explain.

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These are skills and

things we're not taught.

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In childhood.

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What if we are, they're filtered

through a manual and then they're

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misunderstood and miscommunicated.

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But identifying all

three of these elements.

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And spending time with them.

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It's going to allow you to Zane, move

on to things like time management.

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Goal setting.

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That other areas of life that

people with ADHD struggle with.

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But having this foundation.

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Letting go of your judgment.

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Acknowledging your need

for self-compassion.

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: 00:17:45

All of these things.

356

: 00:17:47

Work together.

357

: 00:17:48

. Bear with me.

358

: 00:17:49

It's a bit like trying

to build a garden shed.

359

: 00:17:52

I have two, which sounds excessive.

360

: 00:17:55

One is for garden toes.

361

: 00:17:58

And that was built by my dad.

362

: 00:18:01

He took out.

363

: 00:18:02

A few inches of earth filled it with

concrete, leveled it, put down some

364

: 00:18:06

slabs and then put the shed on top.

365

: 00:18:09

That one is rock-solid.

366

: 00:18:10

The other garden shed

was one put up in: 2021

367

: 00:18:15

And it was.

368

: 00:18:17

Not built on a foundation.

369

: 00:18:18

I asked somebody to help and they.

370

: 00:18:20

Threw down some slabs.

371

: 00:18:22

I put some cement on

the front of this labs.

372

: 00:18:25

And then put the shed on top.

373

: 00:18:27

And although it's still standing.

374

: 00:18:29

It is definitely less robust.

375

: 00:18:31

And as my house is on top of a steep

hill, you can imagine which one

376

: 00:18:36

copes better was so windy weather.

377

: 00:18:39

When you're going through life, I want you

to have the solid dad built foundation.

378

: 00:18:46

Of cement and slabs that are level.

379

: 00:18:51

And when we integrate all three.

380

: 00:18:54

Supporting executive functions.

381

: 00:18:56

Really diving in and

focusing on your strengths.

382

: 00:19:00

And Huge dollop of self-compassion.

383

: 00:19:03

That is a physical practice

as well as a mental one.

384

: 00:19:06

Together, this three of

them are so much more.

385

: 00:19:09

Powerful.

386

: 00:19:10

Than they are on their own.

387

: 00:19:12

So here are three ideas for

you to take away this week.

388

: 00:19:17

The first is thinking about routines.

389

: 00:19:20

And the reason I talk about routines

is because our executive functions.

390

: 00:19:25

Quick, they get overloaded.

391

: 00:19:27

Routines are about reducing the demand.

392

: 00:19:30

On your executive functions.

393

: 00:19:32

If Steve jobs or jeans and a

black polo neck every single day.

394

: 00:19:37

Hit me well have been an affectation.

395

: 00:19:40

Or as my ground would see, he

might have had a ticket on himself.

396

: 00:19:44

But the fact is he didn't need to waste.

397

: 00:19:47

Any mental energy on

choosing what to wear.

398

: 00:19:50

You don't have to go to that extreme.

399

: 00:19:52

I am not far away from it.

400

: 00:19:55

But building as much routine and structure

into your D is going to make your

401

: 00:20:00

executive functions feel less stressed.

402

: 00:20:03

No.

403

: 00:20:04

The thing that most people miss.

404

: 00:20:06

Is that they need to have

both meaning and structure.

405

: 00:20:10

There has to be a reason

that matters to you.

406

: 00:20:13

Why you're doing it.

407

: 00:20:14

And you could use the five.

408

: 00:20:15

Why is exercise?

409

: 00:20:17

Which I'll include a link

to in the notes below.

410

: 00:20:20

But it might also mean you use

a lot of external scaffolding.

411

: 00:20:25

These are things that you set up.

412

: 00:20:27

And that you don't need

to use energy to maintain.

413

: 00:20:31

You may need to adapt them because

they will become invisible unless

414

: 00:20:34

they are what I call bright lane.

415

: 00:20:37

Structures things that have zero.

416

: 00:20:40

Flexibility like you have

no overdraft on your bank.

417

: 00:20:44

That's no flexibility.

418

: 00:20:46

That's a brief lane.

419

: 00:20:47

But if you have an external structure

that doesn't require energy to maintain.

420

: 00:20:52

That allows you to function

and set up a routine.

421

: 00:20:56

It's going to slowly reduce the

Lord on your executive functions.

422

: 00:21:01

Which means you'll have more

energy for emotional regulation.

423

: 00:21:05

And you'll be able to think more

about your other goals here.

424

: 00:21:08

Other ideas here plans instead of.

425

: 00:21:11

Firefighting every single day.

426

: 00:21:14

The next thing to try.

427

: 00:21:16

Number two is strengths-based planning.

428

: 00:21:20

And problem-solving and.

429

: 00:21:22

Obviously, I talked about this a

lot more in the strengths episode.

430

: 00:21:25

But when you are coming up against a new

task or a challenge, that's cropped up.

431

: 00:21:32

Look at your top five character strengths.

432

: 00:21:35

You might have a list of your skills.

433

: 00:21:38

Your talent.

434

: 00:21:39

And then state of coming up was what's

the most logical way to solve this.

435

: 00:21:44

Spend half an hour.

436

: 00:21:46

Really getting silly.

437

: 00:21:47

I'm thinking this is my strength.

438

: 00:21:49

What are the possible ways that

I could use it to deal with

439

: 00:21:53

this challenge or this task?

440

: 00:21:55

I don't know if you've ever heard

the exercise about the brick

441

: 00:21:57

and how many different ways.

442

: 00:21:59

You can use a brick.

443

: 00:22:01

I'll include a link for you in

the show notes as well, but.

444

: 00:22:05

Use your strengths like that.

445

: 00:22:06

And.

446

: 00:22:07

Okay, messy with it.

447

: 00:22:09

Use mind maps use braindumps use.

448

: 00:22:12

Audio notes, but just.

449

: 00:22:15

Explore.

450

: 00:22:15

How many different ways can I use

my strengths to solve this problem?

451

: 00:22:19

Or is one of my number

four or five strengths.

452

: 00:22:23

The one that I should use for this

particular challenge or this task.

453

: 00:22:27

Because.

454

: 00:22:27

You might not come up with the

perfect solution first time.

455

: 00:22:31

The fact you're spending so long

thinking about stuff you're good at.

456

: 00:22:34

Is going to.

457

: 00:22:35

Regulate your emotions.

458

: 00:22:37

And it's going to allow you

to think of what's possible.

459

: 00:22:40

And the last thing I'm going

to invite you to do again.

460

: 00:22:44

I know I've mentioned this before.

461

: 00:22:46

Is a self compassion practice.

462

: 00:22:49

Kristin Neff has them on her website.

463

: 00:22:51

They are between five and 10 minutes long.

464

: 00:22:53

If you have tame.

465

: 00:22:55

You can do a 20 minute one.

466

: 00:22:57

But the one that I phoned.

467

: 00:22:59

Most powerful whistle, loving kindness.

468

: 00:23:01

Self-compassion practice.

469

: 00:23:03

That are fierce self-compassion exercises,

which are really good to, if you're

470

: 00:23:07

somebody who struggles with boundaries.

471

: 00:23:09

All of the matter

available on her website.

472

: 00:23:12

But this allows you to build

up your emotional battery, this

473

: 00:23:16

like you're charging yourself up.

474

: 00:23:18

With more flexibility.

475

: 00:23:20

More resilience.

476

: 00:23:22

And it allows you to focus more

on the strengths because you're

477

: 00:23:26

less emotionally dysregulated.

478

: 00:23:29

And with the strengths

as part of your routines.

479

: 00:23:33

And your external

structure, supporting them.

480

: 00:23:36

You feel naturally more organized and

allows you to stay more resilient and

481

: 00:23:42

flexible when challenges come up and you

need to adapt your strategies over time.

482

: 00:23:48

Obviously, this is all part

of the foundation of my ADHD.

483

: 00:23:53

Rising.

484

: 00:23:54

Great program, which is

going to launch in June.

485

: 00:23:57

The first program starts in

September, but there will be special

486

: 00:24:02

warmup sessions over the summer.

487

: 00:24:04

And again, Going to talk about my

executive function challenge class in.

488

: 00:24:11

June, which has code brilliant brains.

489

: 00:24:13

And you'll find out more

about that in the show notes.

490

: 00:24:17

Using these elements as part of the

ADHD rising framework means that you're

491

: 00:24:22

building from a very strong foundation.

492

: 00:24:25

And it.

493

: 00:24:25

Improves your personal

and professional life.

494

: 00:24:29

Because let's face it.

495

: 00:24:31

It doesn't matter if you learn all

these wonderful business techniques.

496

: 00:24:34

If your personal life is a mace.

497

: 00:24:37

It's eventually going

to bite you in the bum.

498

: 00:24:39

When you're trying to work.

499

: 00:24:41

Please take the time to understand

your executive function needs.

500

: 00:24:46

What your strengths are.

501

: 00:24:48

And how you can improve yourself.

502

: 00:24:50

Compassion.

503

: 00:24:51

I really hope you will come

along to the live seminar on

504

: 00:24:54

Monday, the 3rd of June, 2024.

505

: 00:24:56

When I will explain about how

the framework works is the

506

: 00:25:01

summary of the experiences I've

had myself and with clients.

507

: 00:25:05

And brings together the

most powerful elements.

508

: 00:25:08

Adaptable by and for you.

509

: 00:25:11

To create.

510

: 00:25:12

The frameworks that you need.

511

: 00:25:14

For personal and professional success.

512

: 00:25:17

There is a signup link in the show notes

below and M my social media profiles.

513

: 00:25:23

And it's going to have a few extra bonuses

for those people who come along live.

514

: 00:25:28

And.

515

: 00:25:29

I would love to hear

about your experiences.

516

: 00:25:33

With executive functions.

517

: 00:25:35

What happens when you focus on

your strains, you can share them.

518

: 00:25:39

With me on social media,

you can email me directly.

519

: 00:25:43

And.

520

: 00:25:44

Next week, I'm going to be talking about.

521

: 00:25:47

My clear message, which is how I manage.

522

: 00:25:50

A lot of my day-to-day work.

523

: 00:25:53

And information.

524

: 00:25:54

But I'm also going to talk about focus

and flow because I think those are

525

: 00:25:58

really important for so many people.

526

: 00:26:00

So make sure you come back next

week to hear more about the clear

527

: 00:26:03

message, which is a favorable

in my ebook and the link below.

528

: 00:26:08

As well as focus and flow

and how to manage it.

529

: 00:26:11

Until next time.

530

: 00:26:12

Take care of yourself.

531

: 00:26:14

And keep in touch.