ADHD brains becoming resilient - revealing how to surf setbacks today

Speaker: 00:00:00

Hey, my friend, it is ADHD, powerful

possibilities, and I am ADHD.

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: 00:00:05

Coach Catherine.

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: 00:00:06

This week, we are going to explore.

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Resilience.

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And I can already hear people

saying, oh my goodness.

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First of all, she was talking about.

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Possibilities and no she's

talking about resilience.

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Bear with me because I think this

is a really important episode.

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I will be honest.

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ADHD doesn't make life simple.

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And I was talking to.

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A young person this week, who

said, if I could remove my

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ADHD or my autism, I would.

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Because I think life would

be simpler without them.

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I didn't.

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Really feel qualified.

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To say that yes, it would, or no,

it wouldn't because I've only ever

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lived within Euro divergent brain.

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Which I didn't know

about until my forties.

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I would see that.

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Some of the challenges I

have faced and my life.

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I have survived, I think because of a

part of ADHD, which keeps me looking for.

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Solutions to problems.

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That I think other people

either wouldn't notice.

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Or would.

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Just decide to meet the whole thing.

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Not worth pursuing.

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So if you are a person with

ADHD or autism, And you also

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are somebody who does know.

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Quit.

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But then burns out quite spectacularly.

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You're not alone.

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And one of the reasons that I've been able

to keep going for so long consistently

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now, Since my diagnosis almost 10

years ago is I understand my brain.

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And what I need.

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And what's important.

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And because of that, I want to talk about

this idea of resilience with you today.

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Because it's something that we all

need, but it's massively misunderstood.

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When you hear the word resilience,

what is it that pops into your head?

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Is it a school assembly from a

younger listeners Obie you've

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had to school assemblies on

resilience and a growth mindset.

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I have no doubt.

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Is it a self-help guru somebody's

telling you about how to

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keep going no matter what.

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Is it an older person who

has a stiff upper lip.

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And says, you talk too much about

emotions or you just have to keep going.

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What does resilience mean to you?

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Because most of us have got it wrong.

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Instead of thinking about resilience as

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never feeling down, ignoring our emotions.

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Pushing on no matter

what's happening around us.

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That isn't resilience.

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Instead.

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Resilience is actually

more about adaptability.

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Becoming flexible and changing with

the circumstances and requirements

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that we find ourselves facing.

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And still making progress towards

our big goals or visions or dreams.

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But what has given resilience a bad name?

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I'm going to mention very

brieflyhigh line reasons why.

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So many people are wary

when you see resilience.

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The first is people think it means

we have to rely only on ourselves.

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We can't ask for help, we

can't rely on other people.

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It's all down to your inner resources.

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And of course that massively

ignores the inequalities that

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we face in the world today.

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There was an article in a

national newspaper recently

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that said a healthy lifestyle.

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MI offset your genetic.

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Predisposition to a shorter lifespan.

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By up to 60% and can increase

your lifespan by five years.

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A healthy lifestyle means.

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Being fit and active having

access to fresh, healthy food.

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And adequate housing.

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This is a massive ask in the

world as it stands today.

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And there are significant numbers of

people in the population who do not have.

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That available to them.

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So resilience where we're asking

people to only rely on themselves.

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Overlooks the structural

inequality and barriers.

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That a majority of

people face in the world.

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We don't all have the same access

to healthcare or education or

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support from family or friends.

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Or safe, adequate housing, which is

wild in a first world, Western country.

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But there you go.

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So many people feel resilience as

a dismissive thing to talk about.

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Not the way I understand it, but

I know why they feel that way.

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And the work please.

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A lot of big corporations.

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Talk about resilience.

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And growth.

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And they bring in people like

me to talk to their employees

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about resilience and wellbeing.

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Without addressing the systemic causes.

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Of burnout.

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Employee dissatisfaction.

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Why people are leaving

because they're exhausted.

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It's easier to put the.

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Burden of responsibility for

change on to the individual.

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Was I seeing actually our company culture,

our institutional culture is unhealthy

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for the human beings that we need.

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To make it a living, breathing, thriving,

successful business or institution.

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So resilience has got a bad reputation.

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Because it's become a way of shifting.

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The onus for changed from the

company to the individual.

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And of course that leads into

the other downside of resilience,

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which is the impact it can have on

people with mental health problems.

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I have had anxiety and

depression in the past.

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And I can tell, talking about

resilience would not help.

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Because when you are unwell.

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It makes no sense.

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It's like telling somebody with a broken

leg, they just have to think positive.

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When they're trying to

walk around to the shops.

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The leg is broken and it

doesn't matter what they think.

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When we talk about resilience

in the context of mental house.

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Quite often people feel they're not

able to express how they're feeling.

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And so the, hold it back and we know

that is the worst thing you can do.

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It means you're likely to have a

worse outcome and it's going to

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take longer for you to recover.

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So talking about resilience is

unhelpful for many people because

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they think it means he can't

express how they're feeling.

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And of course it becomes another label.

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Is somebody resilient or not?

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And especially for young people.

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Eh, and the school or university system.

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If the label does not resilient.

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The expectation of what they can achieve

and what they can do goes down rapidly.

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So resilience has a label.

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Is a huge oversimplification.

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Of all the things that

are happening to them.

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At that point.

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What is resilience is

certainly from an ADHD.

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Point of view, it's about

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using our neurological resources.

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Using our brain, the strengths

that we were talking about before.

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To sustain our wellbeing.

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In the face of the ADHD challenges.

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That we are living with.

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Partly because of our noodle

logy and partly because of

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the way the world is designed.

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And the most important thing I want you

to take away is resilience is a skill.

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Not treat.

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It's not something you're born with.

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Is something.

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That you are taught that you can learn.

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That you can observe.

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That can be modeled for you.

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And one of the reasons that's

very important with ADHD is

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because we are more likely.

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To avoid the difficult, the painful,

the rejection, the tasks, the people,

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the circumstances that make us feel bad.

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But if we have been given the

tools to build resilience, And we

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understand that it's something we

can grow, like learning French.

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If you're a native English speaker.

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Then that gives you some hope.

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Yes, this is difficult.

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Yes.

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I'm feeling really insecure.

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I'm feeling I'm embarrassed.

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I feel rejected.

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But I know I've got these skills

and this information that I can use.

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It's about having the right tools.

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And it's more important if you're

lately to run into a problem

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that requires that resilience.

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And that group of skills more often.

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So we've explained why resilience has

got a bad name and all the negative

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things that people associate with it.

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But we've also.

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Explained it actually, it's

something that you can learn is

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something that you can develop.

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It's like any other skill

or a collection of tools.

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That you can use.

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And they're particularly

useful for people with ADHD,

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so let's think about.

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Resilience under noodle biology of ADHD.

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Neurobiology is just a fancy word

for talking about your brain and how

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it's built and have it functions.

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But.

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with ADHD.

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You have heard me mentioned

many times executive functions.

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That's important because

people tend to think.

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ADHD is just a lack of world power.

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Where it is.

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We know it's about the structure.

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That is the size, the

thickness, the connections.

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And the noodle chemistry.

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The amount of noodle transmitters,

dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin.

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That you have in your brain.

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Which is different.

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And meet Luke leak, a lack of willpower

or grit or resilience to somebody else.

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To me looks like.

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This is more difficult for your brain.

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However, the other thing we

know about ADHD brains is Z can

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change like any other brain.

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There's an element of noodle

plasticity, or the ability to

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change and reform your brain.

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Up to a point.

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At any time in your life?

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We used to think that

was just in childhood.

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And sure it's easier in childhood.

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That's why we have these

great bursts of learning.

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And there are points in our life

where we prudent connections.

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But we also know that you can

continue to make new connections.

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We knew from FMRs functional brain scans.

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The change is possible.

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At any age in a brain.

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ADHD or not.

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But it's going to look different

depending on for what your baseline is.

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Things that can help to change

the shape of your brain.

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I was reading by Something.

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By a guy called Goggins,

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who was on the Huberman podcast.

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And he spoke eloquently about

forcing himself to do things he

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hates to grow a certain part of

his brain that he was told is.

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Connected to willpower

and resilience and reward.

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I won't go into detail.

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It could be a whole episode on its own.

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But he was talking about, I'm going

to run so many miles every day.

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Cause I hate it.

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It makes this bit of my brain bigger.

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This bit of my brain is

to do with living longer.

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Being more resilient.

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There's a word for that, which

I wouldn't use on a PG rated.

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Podcast, but.

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It's the idea that we can target

specific regions of our brain.

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By making ourselves do something we

hate is a massive oversimplification.

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To put it bluntly.

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However, there are things that we can do.

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That help the whole of our brain.

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The rest of our body.

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And of course the first one I would

suggest is always a mindfulness practice.

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That mindfulness can be a type of walking.

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It can be a few breaths in the morning.

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It can be.

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A type of reading or journaling.

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It's being.

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Absolutely alive.

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To the reality of the present

moment and in your body.

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I'm not talking about

meditating for 45 minutes.

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It start.

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Bringing yourself back into where you are.

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Can you feel under your feet?

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What can you touch with your fingers?

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What does the air feel like?

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Cause it goes in through your

nose and out through your mouth.

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That's mindfulness and it

doesn't have to be sustained.

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For a very long time for your brain

to start feeling improvements.

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If you want to practice daily.

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Dr.

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Kristin Neff on

self-compassion website has.

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Five to 10 minute practices that

I think are especially useful.

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For people with ADHD on their free.

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I will include a link down below.

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And zoos have been demonstrated

to change your brain so you

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can do it in 10 minutes a day.

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In two weeks.

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Don't discount mindfulness,

because you have ADHD.

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It is possible and it can be adapted.

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Of course, there are types of

therapy that can help with.

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Neuroplasticity with helping you to think

differently, which is what happens when

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your brain sheep and function is altered.

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CBT DBT.

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A C T all of these have at all.

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It comes down to what works for you.

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The.

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Experience and the skill of the

therapist that you're seeing.

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Their willingness to adapt it for

you for neurodivergent brains.

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. It's a variable thing.

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So I'm not going to

recommend one over the other.

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I will include a link to an UDA

divergent practitioners website.

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Again, I cannot speak to

any of them in particular.

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Are there things that can help

your brain exercise every week?

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I mentioned it in some form or another.

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It is wonderful for your brain.

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That's it.

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That's all you need to know.

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Also, I have a statistic that

I'm going to share with you.

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Which is exercise training.

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I've been shown to increase

hippocampus volume.

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That's the hippocampus part of your brain.

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Buy one to 2%.

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And that basically reverses the loss

of volume that we experience as we age.

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So not only does exercise make you

feel good and improve your emotions.

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It can reverse your brain's aging rate.

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So another reason to get

out there and start moving.

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And I will include a link

to that in the show notes.

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Of course.

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And the other thing that's really good

for neuroplasticity is learning things.

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Now I would say this cause my top

strengths is an a love of learning.

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But when we learn new things,

Our brain is forced to make

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new connections, to do things

differently, to process information.

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That we haven't come across before.

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So you may feel like your

ADHD brain is destined.

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To keep you stuck and to

make life more difficult.

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There are ways we can help it to

function at its absolute best.

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And improve those structures and

connections and the floor of those

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lovely neuro-transmitters with exercise.

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Meeting new people, learning new things.

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But let's get to the meat and potatoes.

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The strategies to improve your resilience.

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In the positive sense of what

we want resilience to be.

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First of all, there are

five elements to resilience.

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I think.

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Good to set out.

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So we know what we're talking about.

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The first one, I want to talk about.

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Is being aware of our

boundaries and limits.

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There's no point.

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Pushing yourself into burnout and then

demanding that you miraculously recover.

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The important thing.

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And what makes you resilient is when

you recognize them without judgment.

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You understand the limit of your energy?

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You understand the amount of

capacity you have and you accept it.

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That is the first foundation.

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To resilience.

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The second element of resilience is when

we adapt things for our individual needs.

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I am a big visual fan,

so I have color coded.

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Calendars.

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I have planners.

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I have.

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Pictures on my Google drive files.

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The name section, I have a little

emoji or icon before the name.

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So that I can identify

documents really quickly.

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By the project or for what

kind of tasks they do.

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Adapting tools and

strategies for you needs.

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Is a foundational part

of building a resilient.

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Life.

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Remember resilience is about adapting.

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And changing circumstances

to meet your needs.

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And still having that

progress, that forward motion.

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The other element we want to include

in our resilience foundation.

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For people with ADHD in particular.

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Is a safe supporting

unaccepting environment.

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And that means we need to build a network.

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Of people who understand us.

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Who accept us.

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At home.

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At work in education.

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And it means people don't just accept us.

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Always a bit conflicted about

acceptance or awareness.

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I think we need to move to affirmation.

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At this point where people

appreciate the value of having

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neurodivergent members of staff.

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Usually divergent business leaders.

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We see the world differently and we

bring a different set of strengths gifts.

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And values very often.

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We need to affirm that.

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Not just accepted.

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So building your network of people who

get you in a really deep way is essential.

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When we want to become more resilient.

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Able to navigate.

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Changing circumstances and demands.

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Of course, another aspect of resilience

is continuous learning and self-discovery.

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: 00:17:12

I was talking to somebody about a

coach called Cameron Gott, who I really

353

: 00:17:16

admire and he's developed an ADHD.

354

: 00:17:20

Hierarchy of needs, which is a kind of

springboard off of Maslow\s hierarchy.

355

: 00:17:25

And at the top as always is.

356

: 00:17:27

The self-awareness

self-acceptance self-development.

357

: 00:17:31

Self-actualization and for people

with ADHD, it's about really

358

: 00:17:37

understanding unaccepting ourselves.

359

: 00:17:41

And that means we are constantly.

360

: 00:17:44

Going to be learning

more about what we need.

361

: 00:17:46

How our brain works.

362

: 00:17:48

How we can be successful.

363

: 00:17:50

And adapting the strategies that

we use on a day-by-day basis.

364

: 00:17:54

That doesn't mean you need to

change every single saying.

365

: 00:17:57

Every single day.

366

: 00:17:58

But it does mean we need to

have some tolerance built in.

367

: 00:18:02

I explained it today, like a rubber band.

368

: 00:18:06

So your rubber band can go from.

369

: 00:18:08

not stretchy at all to really quite long.

370

: 00:18:12

And that is what we want to build in

terms of frameworks and strategies.

371

: 00:18:16

something that adapts.

372

: 00:18:18

both with our energy and capacity, and

also was the circumstances we're in.

373

: 00:18:23

If things are too rigid,

they're not resilient.

374

: 00:18:27

They will break and crumble.

375

: 00:18:29

I don't want that for you.

376

: 00:18:30

And the final element.

377

: 00:18:32

Of resilience.

378

: 00:18:33

For us.

379

: 00:18:34

Is to be able to advocate

for their own needs.

380

: 00:18:37

And of course to do that, we'd

need to understand ourselves.

381

: 00:18:40

What we need.

382

: 00:18:42

How we work best.

383

: 00:18:43

So let's look at a couple of

tools, a couple of strategies

384

: 00:18:47

that you can use . When you are

facing a challenge or a problem, a.

385

: 00:18:50

A set back.

386

: 00:18:51

That.

387

: 00:18:52

Maybe feels a bit overwhelming.

388

: 00:18:55

One of them is from the kind

of world of CBT and therapy.

389

: 00:18:59

One of them is a more

general coaching type.

390

: 00:19:03

Positive psychology type tool.

391

: 00:19:05

No.

392

: 00:19:05

Thinking about ADHD brains.

393

: 00:19:07

We get overwhelmed quite quickly.

394

: 00:19:10

If there's too much going

on too much information.

395

: 00:19:13

Too many choices indecision is a

big challenge for people with ADHD.

396

: 00:19:19

Because of our brain structure.

397

: 00:19:22

It's not a personal flaw.

398

: 00:19:23

You just have a brain that can

see too many possibilities.

399

: 00:19:28

And struggles to sort through

much of the information.

400

: 00:19:31

You may be somebody with ADHD who can spot

a pattern and a solution very quickly.

401

: 00:19:37

But for those of us who get overwhelmed

and have trouble making decisions.

402

: 00:19:41

The SODAS method is a useful

thing to have in your toolkit.

403

: 00:19:45

So when we want to make a

decision or solve a problem, We

404

: 00:19:49

use SODAS which is situation.

405

: 00:19:52

Options.

406

: 00:19:53

Disadvantages.

407

: 00:19:54

Advantages.

408

: 00:19:56

And solution, and it's a step-by-step

way to look at what's going on.

409

: 00:20:02

And help you to break down.

410

: 00:20:04

And one of the reasons that these

structured models are really

411

: 00:20:07

helpful is because that's right.

412

: 00:20:10

When we are under stress when our

amygdala is activated, when it detect

413

: 00:20:15

a threat, whether that is from the guy

who nearly drove into the side of you

414

: 00:20:21

in the car park at the local Sainsburys.

415

: 00:20:23

Or a bear.

416

: 00:20:24

The logical.

417

: 00:20:26

Circuit that deals with.

418

: 00:20:27

Solving bigger problems,

your prefrontal cortex.

419

: 00:20:31

It's less easily available.

420

: 00:20:34

I used to see it goes offline.

421

: 00:20:36

And I still think in those

terms, But more accurately.

422

: 00:20:40

your amygdala is just shouting

a bit louder the prefrontal

423

: 00:20:43

cortex is still there.

424

: 00:20:44

We just can't heat it.

425

: 00:20:45

So much, and there's a

capacity issue with ADHD.

426

: 00:20:49

Which is the dominant circuit.

427

: 00:20:52

And at the moment when you have a bear

or a guy going into the side of your

428

: 00:20:56

car, It's not the one that helps you

decide how to deal with a challenge.

429

: 00:21:01

So let's get back to sodas.

430

: 00:21:03

The situation.

431

: 00:21:04

It's the first step.

432

: 00:21:05

And you can identify or the set back

433

: 00:21:08

what's the problem.

434

: 00:21:09

And then we get to do a brain

dump, and this is really good

435

: 00:21:13

for people with ADHD because we

have lots of ideas and solutions.

436

: 00:21:17

So for options.

437

: 00:21:18

Get it all out there.

438

: 00:21:19

What are the possible options

that you have available?

439

: 00:21:24

Even the ones that you

don't sink her available.

440

: 00:21:26

Just get them out there.

441

: 00:21:27

Then we're going to look at the

disadvantages and advantages

442

: 00:21:31

of each of those options.

443

: 00:21:33

Obviously.

444

: 00:21:34

Some of them are not

going to be accessible.

445

: 00:21:37

They're not going to be viable.

446

: 00:21:39

But there are advantages and

disadvantages to every option or choice.

447

: 00:21:43

That you've listed.

448

: 00:21:45

And your brain has given

you them for a reason.

449

: 00:21:48

What are the ID?

450

: 00:21:49

Really late CLI, but they

come with a great cost.

451

: 00:21:52

We up.

452

: 00:21:54

And then finally we choose the one

that suits us best in that moment.

453

: 00:21:58

Which we can implement and take action on.

454

: 00:22:02

So the soda's message is about.

455

: 00:22:04

Just helping you to break down what

might feel like an overwhelming

456

: 00:22:08

problem when part of your brain is

busy, shouting, too loud for you

457

: 00:22:12

to hear as a decision making part.

458

: 00:22:14

This is really common.

459

: 00:22:15

If you're running your own business.

460

: 00:22:17

And that are times when I

have too many things going on.

461

: 00:22:21

Shocking.

462

: 00:22:22

But I'm.

463

: 00:22:23

The person with ADHD.

464

: 00:22:25

And I have used us in the past to

make a decision based on what's

465

: 00:22:31

the best possible outcome right

now there's no perfect solution.

466

: 00:22:35

And I think that's what the soul

does message is helpful for.

467

: 00:22:38

It allows you to see.

468

: 00:22:39

What's the best option right now.

469

: 00:22:41

What can you implement?

470

: 00:22:43

Not what is your perfect outcome?

471

: 00:22:46

The second model is the stop technique.

472

: 00:22:48

And again, this is one of those general

techniques that flipped around the

473

: 00:22:52

internet and books and things these days.

474

: 00:22:55

I don't have an original source for it.

475

: 00:22:57

The stop scan shift model is fairly like

this slightly different it's adapted for

476

: 00:23:03

use with a variety of people of all ages.

477

: 00:23:07

But the stop method.

478

: 00:23:09

Is really good.

479

: 00:23:10

Like stoke scan and shift for

those moments when you're feeling.

480

: 00:23:15

Emotionally dysregulated.

481

: 00:23:17

So we knew that emotional regulation is a

challenge for people with ADHD, emotional

482

: 00:23:23

regulation is an executive function.

483

: 00:23:26

Dr.

484

: 00:23:26

Barkley thinks it's the

major challenge we face.

485

: 00:23:30

Whether you use my stop scan shift

technique, which I will include

486

: 00:23:34

a link to in the show notes.

487

: 00:23:36

Or you use the stop method.

488

: 00:23:39

It doesn't really matter, but it's about.

489

: 00:23:41

S stopping.

490

: 00:23:42

So you stand still.

491

: 00:23:44

You stop.

492

: 00:23:45

T you take a brace.

493

: 00:23:47

That is literally.

494

: 00:23:48

Into a, you knows.

495

: 00:23:49

It was three or most.

496

: 00:23:51

Obsessive.

497

: 00:23:52

Your circumstances and the situation.

498

: 00:23:54

Without judgment.

499

: 00:23:56

Then you proceed.

500

: 00:23:57

Stopes can in shift, goes

into a lot more detail.

501

: 00:24:00

It's fairly similar.

502

: 00:24:02

We stop whatever we're doing.

503

: 00:24:04

We scan our bodies, our

thoughts, our environment.

504

: 00:24:08

And then we shift, where do we want to be?

505

: 00:24:11

What can we do differently?

506

: 00:24:13

And the.

507

: 00:24:13

PDF tangle.

508

: 00:24:14

It goes into in quite a bit of detail.

509

: 00:24:17

This is really helpful.

510

: 00:24:18

And it's something that I have used a lot.

511

: 00:24:21

Being online on social media.

512

: 00:24:23

When you are.

513

: 00:24:25

Putting yourself out there as a coach,

as a business person, as an entrepreneur.

514

: 00:24:30

There will be times when people.

515

: 00:24:32

Say sayings or things that cause

you to have an emotional reaction.

516

: 00:24:37

The stop scan and shift or stop method.

517

: 00:24:41

Has really helped me to

dial back my reactions.

518

: 00:24:46

Because they were not always

appropriate for a woman of 51.

519

: 00:24:50

And.

520

: 00:24:50

Yes.

521

: 00:24:51

Things still hurt.

522

: 00:24:52

Yes.

523

: 00:24:52

I'm still surprised by some things.

524

: 00:24:56

Not only have I built up

some fabulous bone disease.

525

: 00:24:59

But I know use this for when

things jump out at me unexpectedly.

526

: 00:25:03

More generally.

527

: 00:25:05

Think about things like Carol Dweck's

broaden and build or gross mindset.

528

: 00:25:10

That idea that we can change.

529

: 00:25:12

And that it's possible for everyone.

530

: 00:25:15

To develop skills and to change how we

behave, how we respond to what we know.

531

: 00:25:22

One of the slight downsides

I see with this is people.

532

: 00:25:25

Perhaps get disheartened too quickly.

533

: 00:25:28

And that can occur if we don't see

things going wrong as a chance to learn.

534

: 00:25:35

I'm thinking of Ben's Ander and his

ho fascinating when things go wrong.

535

: 00:25:41

Who fascinating.

536

: 00:25:42

It's more information.

537

: 00:25:43

It's more data.

538

: 00:25:44

So if you have a gross mindset, try

to understand, there will be problems.

539

: 00:25:48

Things will go wrong.

540

: 00:25:49

You can either show plot, twist,

or hoe fascinating or more data.

541

: 00:25:54

It doesn't matter.

542

: 00:25:55

The other thing to look out for.

543

: 00:25:57

Is, are you celebrating your success

or are you appreciating your effort?

544

: 00:26:04

And there will be times when success

doesn't come quickly, especially

545

: 00:26:08

if you're in business for yourself.

546

: 00:26:10

It can take years.

547

: 00:26:12

A few years for you to

have a successful business.

548

: 00:26:15

Obviously.

549

: 00:26:16

If things are going terribly

at home, you may need to re

550

: 00:26:19

evaluate your business model.

551

: 00:26:21

But think about, am I appreciating

the effort that I put in every week?

552

: 00:26:26

The hours that I dedicate.

553

: 00:26:28

Appreciate the effort.

554

: 00:26:30

Not just the outcome and the success.

555

: 00:26:32

Because that is going to make it easier.

556

: 00:26:35

To persist and get closer to your

final destination site is resilience.

557

: 00:26:41

So to summarize how we're going

to build a resilient mindset.

558

: 00:26:45

In the positive possible

sense of resilience.

559

: 00:26:49

What can you specifically do?

560

: 00:26:52

First of all, what do we mean by that?

561

: 00:26:54

We mean we're able to surf.

562

: 00:26:57

The setbacks.

563

: 00:26:59

And see things going wrong as

chances for us to grow, to change,

564

: 00:27:04

to plot twist her fascinating.

565

: 00:27:07

Resilience means.

566

: 00:27:08

We cope when things go wrong

and we use that information.

567

: 00:27:12

To change direction.

568

: 00:27:14

Rather than give up.

569

: 00:27:15

And this is especially important.

570

: 00:27:17

If you are.

571

: 00:27:18

Someone with ADHD who

gets frustrated easily.

572

: 00:27:22

First of all, a great thing to

have with a resilient mindset.

573

: 00:27:27

If you're an ADHD person,

especially if you're in business.

574

: 00:27:30

Is create flexible

destinations, flexible goals.

575

: 00:27:35

Think again about that rubber band.

576

: 00:27:37

You might have a big stretch

goal, but having a flexible goal.

577

: 00:27:42

That is.

578

: 00:27:43

Yes, ambitious and reaches up big dream.

579

: 00:27:46

But it's got.

580

: 00:27:47

Bill N milestones is built

in check point support.

581

: 00:27:51

Whatever you want to call them.

582

: 00:27:52

Make sure that it's not so far off.

583

: 00:27:56

And it's not so rigid.

584

: 00:27:57

That you can't get to a point.

585

: 00:27:59

So actually this is really good.

586

: 00:28:01

This is great.

587

: 00:28:02

And although lots of people

talk about smart goals.

588

: 00:28:05

I have got a model called craft, which I

think is more useful for people with ADHD.

589

: 00:28:13

And I will be discussing

that in a webinar.

590

: 00:28:15

In next months in May 2024, you

will be able to download it,

591

: 00:28:20

but if you want to come live.

592

: 00:28:22

I will be letting you know

more about that very soon.

593

: 00:28:25

The other thing that is really important

for resilience and for resilient mindset.

594

: 00:28:30

Is that self-compassion.

595

: 00:28:32

I will include a link to Dr.

596

: 00:28:33

Kristin Neff, who is my go-to

person for self-compassion.

597

: 00:28:38

But self-compassion also takes the box

for mindfulness and for neuro-plasticity.

598

: 00:28:44

So self-compassion is something

that allows you to persist.

599

: 00:28:50

Adapt, thrive.

600

: 00:28:51

And manage some really challenging times.

601

: 00:28:54

I don't talk about it much, but

junior pandemic, I worked in

602

: 00:28:57

NHS and it was self-compassion.

603

: 00:29:00

Practice that.

604

: 00:29:01

That helped me recover from burnout.

605

: 00:29:04

I'm a big fan.

606

: 00:29:05

And I think it's something

that everyone benefits from.

607

: 00:29:08

We also want to focus on building

these routines and frameworks

608

: 00:29:13

that are suitable for us.

609

: 00:29:15

Because if you're surfing the setbacks

having a routine or a framework that

610

: 00:29:20

suits your brain and your way of life.

611

: 00:29:23

Allows you to adapt how you're working.

612

: 00:29:26

In a way that aligns with

your strengths, your NGS.

613

: 00:29:30

You're peaks of energy.

614

: 00:29:31

And I'm going to talk about

energy and time blocking and

615

: 00:29:34

things again, in a future.

616

: 00:29:36

But what is your routine?

617

: 00:29:37

I understand.

618

: 00:29:39

Some of us who run

businesses have families.

619

: 00:29:42

Some of us have families with

disabilities with other demands.

620

: 00:29:47

It's not easy.

621

: 00:29:48

You may discover that.

622

: 00:29:50

The only time you get to focus

is between 10 and 12 at night.

623

: 00:29:54

I cannot support that as

a way to work long term.

624

: 00:29:58

If it allows you to get something done

in the short term so that you can build

625

: 00:30:02

a more sustainable, flexible routine.

626

: 00:30:05

In the short term, I would tease.

627

: 00:30:07

Okay.

628

: 00:30:08

But don't let it go on too long.

629

: 00:30:10

And I will confess no,

I have made a mistake.

630

: 00:30:13

I built a routine that

didn't include enough time.

631

: 00:30:16

For exercise and I am

paying the price for that.

632

: 00:30:19

So don't do what I've done.

633

: 00:30:21

What I'm trying to undo And change

was my morning routines with Elsbeth.

634

: 00:30:26

Try to build a routine to

allows you to include things

635

: 00:30:30

that we know are good for ADHD.

636

: 00:30:32

Including exercise.

637

: 00:30:34

I think the most important one

is to change how we think about.

638

: 00:30:38

Things going wrong and setbacks.

639

: 00:30:40

This is.

640

: 00:30:41

Difficult because some of it

is going to sound privileged

641

: 00:30:45

and I'm not going to deny.

642

: 00:30:47

As a person, I come from a

place of considerable privilege

643

: 00:30:51

compared to many people.

644

: 00:30:52

But I'm also the first person in my

working class family to go to university.

645

: 00:30:57

I've grown up with a

undiagnosed disability.

646

: 00:31:01

Of catering responsibilities.

647

: 00:31:03

And I live in, frankly.

648

: 00:31:05

Quite stressful times, along with you.

649

: 00:31:08

Privileges Flexible thing here.

650

: 00:31:10

But how we think about

what's happening to us.

651

: 00:31:14

Is really important for

how resilient we are.

652

: 00:31:18

And the last five years.

653

: 00:31:20

Have been so challenging.

654

: 00:31:22

I think if I didn't have the

resilience that I'd already developed.

655

: 00:31:27

It would be almost impossible

to be where I am today.

656

: 00:31:31

And that means.

657

: 00:31:32

Surfing the setbacks.

658

: 00:31:34

It means.

659

: 00:31:35

Adapting my routine.

660

: 00:31:37

It means all of those things.

661

: 00:31:39

And having a soul pattern, a main set.

662

: 00:31:44

It says pulls out was interesting.

663

: 00:31:46

How can I change that?

664

: 00:31:48

How can I adapt that?

665

: 00:31:50

How can I address that inequality?

666

: 00:31:53

How can I live with this?

667

: 00:31:55

Change in my circumstance.

668

: 00:31:57

In a way that still makes me feel good.

669

: 00:31:59

It means.

670

: 00:32:00

What skills and resources have I got?

671

: 00:32:03

The alone me to make

the most of where I am.

672

: 00:32:06

But the also acknowledge with my

self-compassion tools, this kind

673

: 00:32:11

of sucks, but it's not forever.

674

: 00:32:13

One thing I know.

675

: 00:32:15

And it's something I've developed.

676

: 00:32:17

Through the self-compassion practice.

677

: 00:32:19

Is that things are constantly changing.

678

: 00:32:22

And things can change for the base term.

679

: 00:32:24

Even if things changed for

the worse in the short term.

680

: 00:32:27

I have a fundamental belief.

681

: 00:32:29

Things tend towards the good and.

682

: 00:32:32

I like to think of Sherlock Holmes.

683

: 00:32:34

When I get like that.

684

: 00:32:37

There's a lane in the Naval treaty.

685

: 00:32:40

Where Charlotte Combs has gone to visit.

686

: 00:32:42

A young man, who's had a nervous collapse.

687

: 00:32:45

After an important government

document was stolen.

688

: 00:32:48

And this really terrible circumstance.

689

: 00:32:51

The young man's gone through this caused

them to have a, what we call an air.

690

: 00:32:55

What we used to call a nervous breakdown.

691

: 00:32:57

And suddenly he says, what

a lovely thing I rose is.

692

: 00:33:01

Our highest assurance.

693

: 00:33:03

Of the goodness of Providence

seems to me to rest.

694

: 00:33:07

And the flowers.

695

: 00:33:08

All other things, our powers, our desires.

696

: 00:33:13

Our food.

697

: 00:33:14

Are all really necessary for our

existence in the first instance.

698

: 00:33:18

But this rose is an extra.

699

: 00:33:21

It smell and its color.

700

: 00:33:23

Are an embellishment of life.

701

: 00:33:25

No a condition of it.

702

: 00:33:26

It is only goodness, which gives extras.

703

: 00:33:30

And so I see again.

704

: 00:33:31

That we have much to

hope from the flowers.

705

: 00:33:34

And I think that fundamentally.

706

: 00:33:37

For me explains why.

707

: 00:33:39

My view of the universe.

708

: 00:33:41

Although it is a place

with much suffering.

709

: 00:33:43

Injustice inequality and pain.

710

: 00:33:46

I believe that we as

humans have the power.

711

: 00:33:50

To change.

712

: 00:33:51

I know for a lot.

713

: 00:33:53

And that is because there is this.

714

: 00:33:56

Universal tendance of Providence

towards the good towards the extra.

715

: 00:34:02

Perhaps that's why spring

is my favorite team of year.

716

: 00:34:05

But anyway, that is my resilience.

717

: 00:34:08

Core.

718

: 00:34:09

It's the foundation.

719

: 00:34:10

I think.

720

: 00:34:11

And so that is my trips through a

different way to think about resilience.

721

: 00:34:16

Particularly for people with ADHD

and I guess in a reflective mood.

722

: 00:34:22

Y, I feel that resilience

is something that has got me

723

: 00:34:26

through some challenging teams.

724

: 00:34:27

Both from skills I have learned, but

also from my mindset and my belief.

725

: 00:34:32

I would love to hear from you.

726

: 00:34:34

Are you going to use the stop scan shift

with a stop message or the so DAS method?

727

: 00:34:40

Next time you come up against a problem.

728

: 00:34:43

Are you thinking about resilience

in a slightly different way?

729

: 00:34:46

No.

730

: 00:34:46

Is it still a toxic thing that

you feel is a way to push.

731

: 00:34:51

Responsibility for big

problems onto the individual.

732

: 00:34:55

I'd love to hear from you.

733

: 00:34:56

So do you get in touch and let me know.

734

: 00:34:59

Do you love roses?

735

: 00:35:01

If you're a fan of Charlotte Combs.

736

: 00:35:03

Let me know if you are.

737

: 00:35:04

Somebody who's thinking

differently about resilience now.

738

: 00:35:08

I look forward to being

with you again next week.

739

: 00:35:12

ADHD coach Catherine.

740

: 00:35:13

And let's see what is possible for you.

741

: 00:35:17

This week.

742

: 00:35:18

Until we meet again, take care.